Dear Miss Emily:

My dad is dying with ALS. I try to visit him at least twice a month with my one year old. This Christmas, his wife decided to have a party on Christmas day. We had plans that day, so we asked if we could come by on Christmas eve to visit. I got verbally scolded by my step mom, because we came over on a different day than the party. She said some awful things and, basically, made me and my dad cry a lot. It was so hurtful seeing him cry when he is so sick. Were we wrong to come over on x-mas eve, instead of x-mas day? Does it make a difference? This was the worst day of my life.

-----------------Miss Emily's advice-------------

I wonder why your stepmother would have a party when your dad is this sick. That seems truly insensitive to me, and I hope he was capable of being in a festive mood. But, no, I don't think you did anything wrong. Seeing your dad within the Christmas time frame was the most important thing, and the success of the party should not have been dependent on you being there. I am sure your stepmother is stressed (and maybe wanted you to help with the party) but, for everyone's sake, I hope this blows over soon. What was horribly wrong about this mess is that your stepmother aired her discontent in front of your father -- a man who deserved to be left in the dark. To do this means the slight was all about her, and little to do with your father's feelings.