Dear Miss Emily:

To start off with, I have been dating her for 2.5 years I met her at college and we have been through so much already. We were twenty when we met and started dating almost immediately. Little did I know she still was close to her ex. I fell in love, instantly, but she cheated on me with this guy all summer, but I couldn't find myself to end it with her. She even tried breaking up with me but I begged her back. I love her. From here, so much has happened. I've been to jail, I sold drugs behind her back, once, but everything else is honesty on my part. I have never cheated on her, but she's had over 4 partners since we've been dating. She told me this all while on a high LSD trip. I know it's true between us but I don't know what to do. She is always not trusting me to trust her, because she thinks I see her as a crazy whore from her past. But I don't at all. I'm in love with this girl, but no matter how much I tell her this, she doesn't seem to realize it. Most recently, I was on her laptop going through her videos, and up came one of her sister (she hadn't seen it) doing sex acts. I instantly closed the computer, disgusted, but I didn't tell her. Then when she opened the computer, the video was up and she thinks I looked at it, and she's  so insecure. I honestly didn't look at it at all! Her insecurities for things she done to me is driving me crazy when, truthfully, I love her and the past is the past. On top of this, alcohol is a major contributer. Her father is a recovering alcoholic. She blacks out drunk almost every time  she drinks, and does dumb things. She doesn't learn, and is embarrassed, hurt and scared. I still love this girl and can't come to breaking up with her.
 
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------

This is one screwed up relationship, and both of you have some issues that cannot be overlooked. The problems each of you have cannot be solved by the other. Right now, all you two offer each other is some type of support, but it's based on extreme lack of trust, and dysfunction. You seem bright enough, you just appear messed up. Jail, drug dealing! These are not stellar displays of competence, and I don't know if you and she are really capable of having a healthy relationship. If she has a drinking problem where she blacks out and does outrageous things, she needs help. She is, for all intents and purposes, an alcoholic like her father. When alcoholism is passed down through a parent, for the child to succeed in not going down the same path, it's almost imperative that she/he not drink. But aside from all the troubles you and she have on your own, the relationship is one of emotional dependency. You say you love her, but I'm here to tell you love isn't enough to make a relationship work unless two people are committed to make it work! Maybe you and she has some similar traits, but they are not strengths, they are weaknesses. And that may very well be the bond you and she share. You're familiar with it, and it's easier to go with it rather than change the dynamic. I contend that if you were to face the world with some solid goals, and a commitment to be healthy and emotionally strong, you wouldn't be able to relate to her. You and she are crutches to each other, more than anything. And I'm not sure you think anyone else would want you. But I'm here to say that's not the case if you were to face your demons, rid them of your life, and see the future as something that can offer peace, and contentment, instead of perpetual chaos. I can see why she drives you crazy, and I can see why she would feel the same; although her habitual cheating should have been a deal breaker, in my opinion.