Dear Emily,

I have been with my husband for over 10 yrs. We have 4 wonderful kids together and our relationship is VERY strong. The only REAL issue we have is with his brother and, especially, his wife. Our relationship was great in the beginning of our friendship but soon turned into disaster. My brother-in-law's wife created 5 different occasions that caused a rift in families and had us absent from their lives. My husband and I, basically, forgave and forgot on each occasion and reconciled the relationship only to have it happen over and over. I don't forgive easily, and when I do a little bit of trust is never earned back. The last straw is still in effect, and we haven't spoken in over 3 years. Close family members want us to forgive and forget AGAIN, but how can we when we've been betrayed so many times? PLEASE help with some sound advice. I'm desperate! Thank you. Sincerely, Sick of forgiving

-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
In my humble opinion, I don't think you can heal the rift. You and your husband have turned your cheeks too many times, only to have it, repeatedly, slapped for your efforts. There is something wrong with these people, and unless they are the ones willing to change, I think estrangement is your only answer. You didn't say what the continual breach is, but you and your husband seem like reasonable people who have tried -- yet it was a one-sided effort. If this were just a quirk of behavior on their part, that's one thing, but this woman (and your brother-in-law is a wimp, or equally petty) seems selfish, entitled, and vindictive. To give into your sister-in-law only enables her to continue bad behavior. I know it's a lousy state of affairs, and the rest of the family only wants everyone to get along, but this side of the family is not allowing it. Families have their issues -- some causing huge conflicts, and blood is not always thicker than water! As long as your husband and you are a united front, I think that's the most important thing. Go on with your lives, and let the rest of the family live theirs without you and your husband being set up as sacrificial lambs.