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Three-way Causes Friendship Break-up
- By Miss Emily
- Published 12/14/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I have a friend named Katie (not her real name). We've been friends for years. and about a year ago she broke up with her long term boyfriend so she started spending a lot more time with me and my boyfriend "Jacob". One night, after a night of drinking, she suggested a threesome. I wasn't that comfortable with it but I was pretty tipsy and my boyfriend wanted it so I thought what the heck? The next day, I felt so awkward. I didn't want to even look at either if them. My boyfriend noticed my mood, and we sat down and talked about how uncomfortable and insecure I felt after it happened. He assured me nothing would ever happen, again, and the only reason he did was because he thought I wanted it too and that Katie meant nothing to him. After talking to "Jacob" I felt better about our relationship, but I still felt very uncomfortable around Katie. Finally, I sat her down and told herIi no longer saw her in the same light, and all I saw was the girl that has sex with my boyfriend. I told her our friendship would probably never be the same, and I needed some time to get over it. Well, now, it's about 6 months later. We haven't spoken at all, but I miss her. She was my closest friend, but I don't know if I'm right to miss her. I'm afraid if I talk to her, all those feelings from that night are going to come back and I'm going to resent her again. What do I do? Should I try and repair our friendship, or should I just move on?
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
I don't think you can repair the friendship with the way you feel. After all, "Katie" is the one who suggested the threesome. She wasn't in the same position as you. You were asked to participate, you did not instigate it. If you had been the one suggesting it, that would be a different story. Of course, you have to accept responsibility for going along with it. And your boyfriend, Jacob, seemed to think you easily jumped on board; yet he might have missed the signs of any trepidation you had out of the benefit he would get from a three-way. Few men would reject a dream come true! But he did not start the ball rolling, was only a willing participant, you went along with it, and he has been allowed a free pass. You may miss Katie, but this is the price to be paid when something like this happens. "Act in haste, repent in leisure". It is unfortunate, but unless you know, now, in your heart, that you have put this to rest and can have a friendship with her, sans the resentment, and a willingness to let her be a part of Jacob's life, too, you're going to have to continue to let this friendship stay dormant.
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
I don't think you can repair the friendship with the way you feel. After all, "Katie" is the one who suggested the threesome. She wasn't in the same position as you. You were asked to participate, you did not instigate it. If you had been the one suggesting it, that would be a different story. Of course, you have to accept responsibility for going along with it. And your boyfriend, Jacob, seemed to think you easily jumped on board; yet he might have missed the signs of any trepidation you had out of the benefit he would get from a three-way. Few men would reject a dream come true! But he did not start the ball rolling, was only a willing participant, you went along with it, and he has been allowed a free pass. You may miss Katie, but this is the price to be paid when something like this happens. "Act in haste, repent in leisure". It is unfortunate, but unless you know, now, in your heart, that you have put this to rest and can have a friendship with her, sans the resentment, and a willingness to let her be a part of Jacob's life, too, you're going to have to continue to let this friendship stay dormant.
