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Culture Clash In This Relationship
- By Miss Emily
- Published 12/10/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I really hope you can give me an advice because I'm about to lose my mind. Ok, so I am an Albanian and I live in a small city. My bf lives lives 2 hrs away in another city. We've been together for 6 months and everything went very well until the day he decided to tell his parents about me. His dad is really aggressive, and his mom just has to do what his dad says. They're very religious (my bf not that much), but his dad wants him to marry a Turkish woman. They don't even know me, and they won't give us a chance. We're both 20, but over here it's not like in the states. Here young people don't become independent. They're suppose to live with their parents and look after them. It sounds old fashioned ,but that's how it is even though I don't like this fact. My bf said we're gonna survive. I'm not gonna surrender, but he won't write to me like he used to, and he is acting so cold. I miss him. He said, " I can't make you happy. We have to break up" but he stills claims that he loves me, and I really want to be with him. Please tell me what should i do?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
I won't lie to you. I think his parents are controlling his feelings, now, and that doesn't look good for this relationship. I know his heart wants you, but reality is telling him it isn't going to work as long as his parents are calling the shots. And in your culture, that seems to be prevalent. If he's required to take care of his parents, you in the mix is not going to make that easy. They would have to accept you, or you would be miserable. Think about that. Love can fly out the window pretty quickly when the road ahead is paved with broken glass, and you're walking barefoot! He should have realized his parents would feel this way before getting involved with you. I know the heart wants what the heart wants, but that attitude has been one of the most destructive forces in human relationships. I am so sorry. He seems to be backing out by telling you he cannot make you happy. That would be true under the circumstances you spelled out in this e-mail.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
I won't lie to you. I think his parents are controlling his feelings, now, and that doesn't look good for this relationship. I know his heart wants you, but reality is telling him it isn't going to work as long as his parents are calling the shots. And in your culture, that seems to be prevalent. If he's required to take care of his parents, you in the mix is not going to make that easy. They would have to accept you, or you would be miserable. Think about that. Love can fly out the window pretty quickly when the road ahead is paved with broken glass, and you're walking barefoot! He should have realized his parents would feel this way before getting involved with you. I know the heart wants what the heart wants, but that attitude has been one of the most destructive forces in human relationships. I am so sorry. He seems to be backing out by telling you he cannot make you happy. That would be true under the circumstances you spelled out in this e-mail.
