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Communcating Long Distance
- By Miss Emily
- Published 12/6/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
Our relationship is 5 months old. Right now, it's not possible to see each other so we communicate regularly on msn. Lately his work takes up a lot of his time, studying takes up some of mine, so we have both kinda slacked on communication -- more him than me. I wanna tell him that both of us need to communicate a lot better. How do I tell him without making him get defensive or feel bad?
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
Long distance relationships . . . so very hard to maintain. The circumstance of not being with each other face-to-face is stressful as it is, but hurt feelings can creep in when there's little communication. Maybe I'm wrong, but I get the feeling you do your part, but you don't want to seem like a pest, or needy if you communicate too often, when he isn't. I understand what you mean about broaching the topic and putting him on the defensive, or making him feel he's not measuring up. There might be an aspect of his nature that's not good at communicating in this manner. I think you can tell him, "I miss you so much, I'd love to hear from you more frequently, yet I know how busy you are. But know that I always love hearing from you." That's really all you can do without being completely forthcoming, like, "You jerk, shape up!" If this relationship is solid, you have to trust he's pressed for him, or this is just who he is. If you start entertaining the idea he doesn't care, well, it could be the start of the demise of the relationship -- and that would be way too premature without having anything else to go on.
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
Long distance relationships . . . so very hard to maintain. The circumstance of not being with each other face-to-face is stressful as it is, but hurt feelings can creep in when there's little communication. Maybe I'm wrong, but I get the feeling you do your part, but you don't want to seem like a pest, or needy if you communicate too often, when he isn't. I understand what you mean about broaching the topic and putting him on the defensive, or making him feel he's not measuring up. There might be an aspect of his nature that's not good at communicating in this manner. I think you can tell him, "I miss you so much, I'd love to hear from you more frequently, yet I know how busy you are. But know that I always love hearing from you." That's really all you can do without being completely forthcoming, like, "You jerk, shape up!" If this relationship is solid, you have to trust he's pressed for him, or this is just who he is. If you start entertaining the idea he doesn't care, well, it could be the start of the demise of the relationship -- and that would be way too premature without having anything else to go on.
