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Christian Duty?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 12/2/2011
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
I've never really reached out for help before in my relationship. In fact, if my girlfriend knew I was writing this instead of telling her, I'd probably be feeling pretty horrible. But I don't know where else to turn. My girlfriend and I have been dating almost 15months now. My first real relationship and her 2nd. To give you some background, her last boyfriend treated her horribly -- cheated, used her, hit her, just very, very bad. I guess you could say I'm a Christian, although I hardly act like it. I'm on staff at a church, and everyone thinks I'm this awesome, rock hard Jesus freak, but in this relationship, I'm not even close. I feel so trapped, and I don't know what to do. My girlfriend's family put her though some rough things quite often but other than that, she has a fairly spoiled life. I feel like she's a drama queen. And I'm not that kind of guy. For example, right now she's upset. I called and she says she "doesn't wanna talk to me for a little bit" and then texts me 5 minutes later saying I don't care and I'm not there for her. And she always has to know where I am, what i'm doing, and who I text. I can't speak to any girl, even my coworkers without her blowing up at me. What do I do... :(
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
What you do is break up with her. Christian, or not, you don't have to be abused because she was in her last relationship. Her low self-esteem puts a pox on this relationship, and you're paying the price for it. Unless you have signed on to be a parent, a therapist, and a whipping post for her insecurities (and a contradictory sense of entitlement due to being spoiled), it would be smart to end it with her. She's controlling, manipulative, and you are the one who is expected to pick up her baggage and unpack it. I am sorry. It doesn't work that way. You cannot fill voids in her life only she can fill. If you stay in this relationship thinking it's your Christian duty, or you are somehow to blame for her behavior, you are completely misguided. I am sure you're not perfect but, from what you've described, you're putting up with a lot of unnecessary drama. Stay if you must, but nothing is going to change unless she were to see you as the person you are, and not label you as the "bad guy" for perceived slights of her own making. It's not selfish to be in charge of your life, and your happiness. And, again, being a Christian doesn't mean you have to be a dupe. If you're not in charge, that leaves an opening for someone else to fill that space. Right now, it's your girlfriend.
I've never really reached out for help before in my relationship. In fact, if my girlfriend knew I was writing this instead of telling her, I'd probably be feeling pretty horrible. But I don't know where else to turn. My girlfriend and I have been dating almost 15months now. My first real relationship and her 2nd. To give you some background, her last boyfriend treated her horribly -- cheated, used her, hit her, just very, very bad. I guess you could say I'm a Christian, although I hardly act like it. I'm on staff at a church, and everyone thinks I'm this awesome, rock hard Jesus freak, but in this relationship, I'm not even close. I feel so trapped, and I don't know what to do. My girlfriend's family put her though some rough things quite often but other than that, she has a fairly spoiled life. I feel like she's a drama queen. And I'm not that kind of guy. For example, right now she's upset. I called and she says she "doesn't wanna talk to me for a little bit" and then texts me 5 minutes later saying I don't care and I'm not there for her. And she always has to know where I am, what i'm doing, and who I text. I can't speak to any girl, even my coworkers without her blowing up at me. What do I do... :(
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
What you do is break up with her. Christian, or not, you don't have to be abused because she was in her last relationship. Her low self-esteem puts a pox on this relationship, and you're paying the price for it. Unless you have signed on to be a parent, a therapist, and a whipping post for her insecurities (and a contradictory sense of entitlement due to being spoiled), it would be smart to end it with her. She's controlling, manipulative, and you are the one who is expected to pick up her baggage and unpack it. I am sorry. It doesn't work that way. You cannot fill voids in her life only she can fill. If you stay in this relationship thinking it's your Christian duty, or you are somehow to blame for her behavior, you are completely misguided. I am sure you're not perfect but, from what you've described, you're putting up with a lot of unnecessary drama. Stay if you must, but nothing is going to change unless she were to see you as the person you are, and not label you as the "bad guy" for perceived slights of her own making. It's not selfish to be in charge of your life, and your happiness. And, again, being a Christian doesn't mean you have to be a dupe. If you're not in charge, that leaves an opening for someone else to fill that space. Right now, it's your girlfriend.
