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Repeating History Often Fails In Relationships
- By Miss Emily
- Published 12/1/2011
- Relationships - Women
I need your advice on my relationship. I've been dating for about 2 years but currently I broke up with him out of my control. We had been on and off throughout the years, and now i regret breaking up with him, and I miss him a lot. I feek crazy and don't know what to do. Sometimes I lost hope and just wanted to die. He now ignores all my calls and texts, and it's been about two weeks. I don't know if he still love me, or misses me, but his actions seem like he doesn't want me anymore I am sad, but I know he always reads my blog to see what's going on with me, but he doesn't contact me. I can't give him up. What should I do?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
This relationship broke up for a reason, and now you're ignoring that reason. Perhaps you thought he would suddenly wake up and say, "Hey, I'm going to be the guy you want me to be", but he didn't. I know you feel a void. You wanted him to realize why you weren't happy (like a lightening bolt coming from the sky), and correct it, but he seems relieved that he can be who he wants to be without feeling pressure to think he needs to be something he's not. That said, he may be deluding himself. Maybe he is a lousy boyfriend, careless, thoughtless, and selfish. You didn't say why you broke up with him, but if you're looking for him to suddenly be the guy you want him to be, don't hold your breath. A person changes only when it benefits him, or her. I don't know if you were needy, and desperate in this relationship -- that's always a turn-off -- but you weren't getting what you wanted from him, and you can't change that fact no matter how you want to rewrite history. When we feel a loss, it's easy to want to fill the space no matter what -- and we often reach back to something we know rather than face the unknown. But truth be told, it's nothing more than reliving history. If that history was troubled, and no one learns from it, nothing changes. I'm not hopeful this relationship will work. He's reading your blog to see how you're doing, but that's not an indication he wants you back. Maybe he's only curious. If problems in this relationship weren't solved after two years, you and he may simply not be suited for each other.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
This relationship broke up for a reason, and now you're ignoring that reason. Perhaps you thought he would suddenly wake up and say, "Hey, I'm going to be the guy you want me to be", but he didn't. I know you feel a void. You wanted him to realize why you weren't happy (like a lightening bolt coming from the sky), and correct it, but he seems relieved that he can be who he wants to be without feeling pressure to think he needs to be something he's not. That said, he may be deluding himself. Maybe he is a lousy boyfriend, careless, thoughtless, and selfish. You didn't say why you broke up with him, but if you're looking for him to suddenly be the guy you want him to be, don't hold your breath. A person changes only when it benefits him, or her. I don't know if you were needy, and desperate in this relationship -- that's always a turn-off -- but you weren't getting what you wanted from him, and you can't change that fact no matter how you want to rewrite history. When we feel a loss, it's easy to want to fill the space no matter what -- and we often reach back to something we know rather than face the unknown. But truth be told, it's nothing more than reliving history. If that history was troubled, and no one learns from it, nothing changes. I'm not hopeful this relationship will work. He's reading your blog to see how you're doing, but that's not an indication he wants you back. Maybe he's only curious. If problems in this relationship weren't solved after two years, you and he may simply not be suited for each other.
