Dear Miss Emily:

I  have been with my boyfriend for almost ten months, but we have dated on and off for the past 6 years. I love him dearly, and he makes me very happy and has shown me I can love again. But he has a problem with growing up, I guess you could say. He is almost 21 and doesnt a job.  He cant keep a job once he gets one. He wastes his money, doesnt save any of it, and doesnt have a car. I love him, but I need him to step up. What should I, or could I do?

--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------

He's not going to step up until he's ready, and that may never happen. He's young, and you can cut him some slack, but I know people who are a lot older than he is, and who don't know the first thing about responsibility when it comes to money. Our whole culture is built around spending it, and he's turned it into an art form, or so it seems. He can do whatever he wants, but you don't have to accept it. If you, and others are helping finance him, he's never going to learn how to take care of himself. Continue to date him, but if he doesn't clean up his act, I think this relationship will not last -- at least I hope not! If he won't change his pattern, you won't respect him, and his sense of entitlement and irresponsibility will drive you up the proverbial wall. And don't fool yourself into thinking it won't. To make a relationship work to your satisfaction, you will want respect and to share common interests and values. He may be a great guy, but he's showing a lack of respect for you, and himself if he's letting you put dates on your tab. And you do value responsibility, or you wouldn't have written this e-mail to me.