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This Marriage Is In Big Trouble
- By Miss Emily
- Published 11/25/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I want to thank u for all of ur advice u have given me. It helps just to talk to u about my problems. My husband made a comment tonight , said he was joking, but I'm not so sure, it was about someone I knew 30 years ago. And he laughed after he said it . So I made a comment about his ex wife!!! I threw back at him! And I'm going to keep on doing it because he has several things about other women, and men as well. And I told him nothing could make anyone here happy!!!! And I really believe this. Everyone here is miserable including myself!!!!and I don't think things will get any better any time soon. What do u think? I would like to know? Thanks for ur time and ur concern.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------
This situation has escalated, and it's more complex than what you had said in your last e-mail to me. I don't beleive a tit-for-tat approach to your exchanges with him is going to make things better for the relationship. It only sets you and him up for trying to win a war, and no one wins in a circumstance like this one. If you say everyone is miserable, and you don't see anything changing for the better, you had better make some hard choices. Ask him to get on board with improving your marriage -- and counseling could help (it terms of making it work, or seeing that it can't), or this will continue to erode your family life more than it already has, and that's not fair to your daughter. She is an innocent in this, and if your husband's ex-wife, his past, as well as yours becomes the focus of how you and he relate, the marrige will end by default. Your husband may have brought up your past as a way to even the score, but the issues are now, not back when you and he didn't even know each other. It doesn't solve the problem -- which is, you and he are both playing a fool's game if you continue on in this manner. You and he should be a team, not adversaries! Second marriages are hard when each party (or even one) brings into it baggage from the past. Put the baggage away, one and for all, or you and he will find yourself doing nothing more than packing, and unpacking the contents -- ad infinitum.
I want to thank u for all of ur advice u have given me. It helps just to talk to u about my problems. My husband made a comment tonight , said he was joking, but I'm not so sure, it was about someone I knew 30 years ago. And he laughed after he said it . So I made a comment about his ex wife!!! I threw back at him! And I'm going to keep on doing it because he has several things about other women, and men as well. And I told him nothing could make anyone here happy!!!! And I really believe this. Everyone here is miserable including myself!!!!and I don't think things will get any better any time soon. What do u think? I would like to know? Thanks for ur time and ur concern.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------
This situation has escalated, and it's more complex than what you had said in your last e-mail to me. I don't beleive a tit-for-tat approach to your exchanges with him is going to make things better for the relationship. It only sets you and him up for trying to win a war, and no one wins in a circumstance like this one. If you say everyone is miserable, and you don't see anything changing for the better, you had better make some hard choices. Ask him to get on board with improving your marriage -- and counseling could help (it terms of making it work, or seeing that it can't), or this will continue to erode your family life more than it already has, and that's not fair to your daughter. She is an innocent in this, and if your husband's ex-wife, his past, as well as yours becomes the focus of how you and he relate, the marrige will end by default. Your husband may have brought up your past as a way to even the score, but the issues are now, not back when you and he didn't even know each other. It doesn't solve the problem -- which is, you and he are both playing a fool's game if you continue on in this manner. You and he should be a team, not adversaries! Second marriages are hard when each party (or even one) brings into it baggage from the past. Put the baggage away, one and for all, or you and he will find yourself doing nothing more than packing, and unpacking the contents -- ad infinitum.
