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- "Friends With Benefits" Not So Simple
"Friends With Benefits" Not So Simple
- By Miss Emily
- Published 11/23/2011
- Relationships - Teens
Hey Emily,
I moved to Washington and my girlfriend/best friend moved to Colorado. We broke up but tried to stay close. It got to a point where she called me everyday and tried to keep me on the phone for an hour minimum; which I wasn't comfortable with on just a friend level. It's break now, and we had been planning on being friends with benefits -- no problem. But the constant talking, sharing of emotions, and sex has put me in a weird place where I feel like she has been trying to turn what we have back into a relationship; which I don't want. I pulled her aside and told her how I felt, explaining that I didn't want to mess around until I felt more comfortable being just friends with benefits. After a bit, I felt ok and we hooked up once more, but only after she gave me a few friendly drinks. Am I being manipulated, or are most girls like this? I want to be able to persue other girls while away at school, and I feel like this is her secret way of keeping me in check with the constant phone calls and promise of being friend with benefits. I really don't know what to think and I feel like I'm losing my mind.
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------
You can stop this arrangement, you know. I don't fault her for loving you. You're probably a pretty special guy -- and although I hate game playing in relationships, she just can't seem to embrace what she says she can -- FWB only. FWB is such an "iffy" thing. Most of the time, one of the parties only does it because she (sometimes he!), will take that crumb if she can't get more. You and she have a history of having a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and it's not easy to sever the past experiences and emotional commitment that was once a part of the relationship. She may simply be confused by it all, as well. But, again, only you can stop it if you're uneasy about it. If she is using alcohol, and sending contradictory messages, I want to think it's because she cares about you and it's out of her fear of losing you forever. Keep your "johnson" tucked away, and take a stance. If you continue the FWB, knowing what you know, you have only yourself to blame if this gets you into a situation where you feel emotionally screwed.
I moved to Washington and my girlfriend/best friend moved to Colorado. We broke up but tried to stay close. It got to a point where she called me everyday and tried to keep me on the phone for an hour minimum; which I wasn't comfortable with on just a friend level. It's break now, and we had been planning on being friends with benefits -- no problem. But the constant talking, sharing of emotions, and sex has put me in a weird place where I feel like she has been trying to turn what we have back into a relationship; which I don't want. I pulled her aside and told her how I felt, explaining that I didn't want to mess around until I felt more comfortable being just friends with benefits. After a bit, I felt ok and we hooked up once more, but only after she gave me a few friendly drinks. Am I being manipulated, or are most girls like this? I want to be able to persue other girls while away at school, and I feel like this is her secret way of keeping me in check with the constant phone calls and promise of being friend with benefits. I really don't know what to think and I feel like I'm losing my mind.
---------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------
You can stop this arrangement, you know. I don't fault her for loving you. You're probably a pretty special guy -- and although I hate game playing in relationships, she just can't seem to embrace what she says she can -- FWB only. FWB is such an "iffy" thing. Most of the time, one of the parties only does it because she (sometimes he!), will take that crumb if she can't get more. You and she have a history of having a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and it's not easy to sever the past experiences and emotional commitment that was once a part of the relationship. She may simply be confused by it all, as well. But, again, only you can stop it if you're uneasy about it. If she is using alcohol, and sending contradictory messages, I want to think it's because she cares about you and it's out of her fear of losing you forever. Keep your "johnson" tucked away, and take a stance. If you continue the FWB, knowing what you know, you have only yourself to blame if this gets you into a situation where you feel emotionally screwed.
