Dear Miss Emily:

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months now. He is also my neighbor and our children love playing together. I see him all the time. We started dating right when he and his ex wife separated. He has been married twice, but he admits that the last marriage was a huge mistake and he has not been in love with her for over a year now. I am usually very careful in relationships, but I fell in love with him right away. He is a wonderful man. The issue is this: He is afraid of another failed relationship. He wants to tell me that he loves me but he is scared. I know he does. We broke up because I am ready to get married and he is not. We cannot stay away from each other though. It does not seem to work either way. I cannot stay away from him, but I do not want to put myself out there and end up getting hurt. We are trying to figure things out, but neither one of us is sure what to do. We want to be together but, at this point, we do not want the same thing. I love him, and I do think that he is the one.

---------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------

I understand that you are in love with this man but, after only five months together, to think marriage is way too hasty! This man isn't even divorced yet (I would assume since they only separated 5 months ago), and I can understand why he wouldn't even be in that frame of mind -- no matter how great you are. There are no guarantees in any relationship, and it's sad to think you ended this one (despite you not being able to stay away from each other) when things were going along so beautifully. The kids like each other, and play together. You each have your own house. You can have space from each other when you want it (the kids aren't forced to have ready made siblings), yet spend quality time together as often as you and he choose. It's almost an ideal circumstance if both parties are mature, and emotionally secure. If marriage is a priority for you soon, of course, he's not your man. But I wonder where, or when you're going to find another great guy who wants to get married. Many women would be thrilled to find a "wonderful man" (your statement) and give him longer than five little months to see if a greater commitment (and to marriage possibly) could come down the line. Of course, he may decide he doesn't want to make that commitment, again -- no hedging -- firm about it -- but I think it would be awfully hard to let him go for good, knowing that you wanted to marry after five months and he was only afraid of another failed relationship. I don't blame him. But five months isn't enough time for you to really know if a marriage would work with him, either, and a lot more time to foster a greater bond with each other, with no pressure, would have been the best plan in my opinion. Oh, well.