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She's Betraying Her True Feelings
- By Miss Emily
- Published 11/11/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
So here's my situation. I was with a man I was desperately in love with. Unfortunately he didn't feel the same and left me. A lot of it had to do with him being so wrapped up in his career. Before I had a chance to get over it completely, someone new came into my life. This person smothered me at first, and I was very hesistent but he was persistent. We began dating a little -- nothing serious. We got along great, but I never felt a lot of love for him, but comfortableness, I suppose. I lived with a roommate that ended up being in a bad situation so we decided to get a place together. We did, with two rooms, although he has never slept in his own. Three years later, I'm still in this relationship that I don't fully know if I want to be in. I love him very much, but more like a brother though. We rarely have sex, and I don't like to introduce him as my boyfriend -- in fact, we've decided to be in an open relationship for that reason. The truth is, I'm not sure I ever would have liked the idea of being in an open relationship before now. Our living situation is great. We get along, it's comfortable, but I'm not in love, and I generally don't feel like myself or genuine. The apartment is in both of our names -- 7 month lease left. Do I tell him? I hate awkwardness, and am afraid I'll fall back. I've tried leaving, oh, probably 5 times now. How do I do it?! Can I just sneak out? I feel bad because he really is a great person .
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
Pardon be for saying this, but your gutlessness in this matter is the major problem. I know there's an aspect of having feelings for this man (he's family of sorts), and you don't want to hurt him, but have you ever considered that he's holding you hostage to this relationship because he knows that about you? Now, that said, it's often easy to take the road of least resistance when you are getting some benefit out of your present circumstance -- but that needs to end now!!!! You get along with him, you're great friends, but that's the extent of it. This is a betrayal of your true feelings, and I can't imagine staying in this situation too much longer before you end up hating yourself for not having the courage to end this relationship as it stands. See if he can find a roommate to cover your share of the rent for the next 7 months, or toss him into that other bedroom with firm boundaries that do not include him in anything other than friendship. If you can't do that, you have only yourself to blame for the continuation of this farce.
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------------
Pardon be for saying this, but your gutlessness in this matter is the major problem. I know there's an aspect of having feelings for this man (he's family of sorts), and you don't want to hurt him, but have you ever considered that he's holding you hostage to this relationship because he knows that about you? Now, that said, it's often easy to take the road of least resistance when you are getting some benefit out of your present circumstance -- but that needs to end now!!!! You get along with him, you're great friends, but that's the extent of it. This is a betrayal of your true feelings, and I can't imagine staying in this situation too much longer before you end up hating yourself for not having the courage to end this relationship as it stands. See if he can find a roommate to cover your share of the rent for the next 7 months, or toss him into that other bedroom with firm boundaries that do not include him in anything other than friendship. If you can't do that, you have only yourself to blame for the continuation of this farce.
