Dear Miss Emily:

My daughter has been telling me things that my husband has been saying about me. She has been telling me things he says for a long time now. She makes sure I know about it. This has bothered me for a long time, and when I ask him about it he says he's not been saying everything she says that he says. The other day they went somewhere and she said they were fighting while they was out together. Both of them are driving me nuts!!!!! What do you think about this? Can you help me,? I really need a answer. Also my daughter hits and fights me when she doesn't get her way.please help!!!!!!!

-----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------------

Often times, a rebellious child will try to pit one parent against the other, but I see a profound lack of respect for you coming from your husband, as well as your daughter. If he is talking about you, negatively, behind your back to her, he has helped create an environment that is allowing your daughter to act out against you. Your husband should be in lockstep with you in childrearing. Boundaries need to be set with your daughter, and you and your husband must agree to them in order to have positive results with her. In no way should she be allowed to hit you, nor fight with you. It's about power struggles, and once a parent gives up his, or her power, a child will often move in to take control. You are at a loss as how to move forward, but you are the mother and need to seek help that gives your concrete solutions. If family counseling is too costly for you (but see if it's part of your health coverage), please seek the advice of a school counselor. They often offer assistance in cases of discipline problems. You can't do this alone, your husband seems clueless, and this is far too important to ignore, or accept without trying to right this shaky ship.