Dear Miss Emily:

I hope you can help me. For a long time now, my husband and daughter have not been getting along, and my daughter has caused us all kinds of problems. She says she hates her dad. What I need to know is what do I need to do? I am in the middle all the time, and nobody here wants to change anything. I am staying upset. I love them both, but this needs to stop. My daughter starts the arguments most of the time. She will not do anything she is told.

------------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------------

You can't do this alone. Your husband and daughter are locked in a war that seems to have no end. Your daughter is the child, however, and if your husband thinks that being argumentative with her is the answer, he's wrong. He is the adult in the room, or should be, and he needs to start using some tools that end the conflicts and stops the madness. You and he must work as a team, if at all possible. Your husband is being selfish (to say the least), and he would be childish in his own behavior if he did not want to work at solving a serious issue that is destroying the very fabric of the family unit. I would ask him to come with you to a family counselor, in order to find solutions to these conflicts with your daughter. I assume your daughter is a teenager and, therefore, naturally rebellious in her effort to seek her own identity. That said, she's getting away with bad behavior because your husband has put himself on her level. I hope you are capable of setting boundaries with your daughter, and not be a pawn in this game of tit-for-tat. You are not impotent when it comes to discipline, but you need help in finding a way to keep you out of being caught in the middle. If your husband won't go to counseling to deal with this, you go. You feel powerless, and that's the last place you want to be. Here's a web site that may enlighten you. Type into Google: Family Education: Avoiding Arguments and Power Struggles With Your Kids.