Dear Miss Emily:

Married for 16 years, he is 40. I am 37. He cannot get over a friend from his past.  They never dated. She was just a nice friend who helped him adjust to a new high school and he is quite obsessed with her.  He says he's thought about her every day of our marriage even tho' they hadn't had contact in 18 years.  He has intrusive thoughts about her and can't get her out of his head.  I encouraged him to contact her because I thought it would help him move fwd past her and he did contact her recently. She is involved with someone and has kids and my husband knows he and she will never be together. He is still obsessed about her and our marriage is suffering because I do not think he is loving me fully because of this.  Help!  What should we do?  Any advice/ opinions/ thoughts are greatly appreciated.

-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------

Because you and he can't work this out on your own, and I can understand when "obsession" is the driving force, you and he need to get to counseling. There are three in this marriage, although it seems odd to say that when this woman wants no part of it. It's your husband's problem, indeed, but because he's your husband, it's yours as well. If he won't go to counseling, and that would a rotten thing to do since he is the one causing this fissure in the relationship, you go. This is terribly painful for you, and you are the innocent party. Please get the help you need, now. If counseling isn't in the offing, I would consider leaving a man who places you behind a fantasy.