Dear Miss Emily,
I'
ve
been dating this guy for a little over two months now, and I really
want him to open up. He's quiet and keeps to himself, but never has a
problem talking with me. However, I always get this feeling that he's
only comfortable when hes talking about daily stuff (school, friends,
family, what he did today/what happened today, etc). A couple of times
I've
tried to ask him questions about personal things, like his parents
divorce or past girlfriends just to see if he would open up and go into
detail. When asked, he would answer the question but
never really talk any further than he had to. I just feel like he
doesn't
feel comfortable enough with me to open up about those things yet. My
question is how am I supposed to get him to open up? Other than time,
how else am I supposed to help him open up? I feel like the whole
relationship's gonna be based on of the physical stuff and it scares me
to think that
that's all he really wants. Also, what are some helpful tips to get a shy guy like him to fall in love?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
I don't
think you should be in the relationship to change him. Some people are
not open about their lives for many reasons. We can't assume he's hiding
his feelings, although he may be unwilling to talk about things that
emotionally tug at him in negative ways. If you're the kind of person
who likes to get deep and personal with a guy, he may not be
right for you. As well, his age may have something to do with it. Many
teens are unsure of how much they should reveal about themselves because
of fear of being judged. It takes time (or it may never happen) to learn
how to finesse discussing personal matters without making it seem as if
you are complaining, are too sensitive, or emotionally weak. And he's a male. Perhaps he doesn't feel it's manly. I think two months isn't a
great deal of time to develop the kind of trust you want in order for
him to reveal more about himself. If he is shy (and that's related to
feelings of insecurity), subtly let him know you are a trustworthy
person, and what he tells you won't go beyond your ears. And mean it! In
time, he may reveal more about his feelings if you are willing to share
yours, as well. Once he sees you open up on personal matters, he might
do the same. Bottom line: This may just be the guy you're dating, and
what you see is what you get; a person who is friendly, nice, but quiet, and not
someone to wear his heart on his sleeve, nor analytical about his
life.
