Dear Miss Emily:

I have been in an on-off sexual relationship with a man (doctor of my dead father) since I met him 2 yrs ago in the hospital.  He was single when we met but has a GF he has been with for a year.  He and I have had sex since before they started dating.  I want him to date me, and he knows it, but says circumstances won't allow.  I think his poor girlfriend needs to know.  I feel awful about it ,and clearly he isn't going to break up with her for me.  Should I tell her? How?

-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------------

I assume you knew he got a girlfriend the year after you started your sexual relationship with him. That was the time to send him packing if you wanted more out of the relationship. You have been complicit in the deception this last year and, so, by telling her, it seems more a case of you wanting revenge because he won't date you. He makes you feel like you were never good enough -- maybe you don't have the cache he wants, or the status he was seeking. Often doctors have a type of woman in mind they want to court and marry, and many are the Junior League set, and/or women who come from some money. Of course, this is not always the case, but it often is just that. If you tell her, she may break up with him, that's true, but that will put you in the hot seat if he wants to get nasty. Do you want that to happen? As well (were you to spill the beans), she may not believe you! Even if you told her you knew of that "mole" on his inner thigh, he could say he dated you before he met her, and you're nothing more than a vindictive, lonely woman who wanted him, but he didn't want you. You know how guys love to play up the "Fatal Attraction" scenario -- although this case is somewhat different. Because your relationship started with him before he met her, he simply decided to carry on what seemed like a nice arrangement to him, and I'm sure you and he have incredible chemistry in bed. Bottom line:  You allowed it. You knew he didn't want you as a girlfriend if he's had one for a year. Why, now, are you pissed? Dump him, and get on with your life.