Dear Miss Emily:

I dated a young man at 17, and he was, indeed, my first love. Life happened and we parted ways. Both married and with children now, he found me five years ago and we have kept in contact.  No hanky-panky going on but, on my end, a dear affection for my first love.  I kept my husband in the know about the situation to the best of my ability...my first love did not.  I recently got a phone call from my ex's wife and it appears he told her what he needed to in order  to get by, and this completely threw me under the bus. She doesn't know the truth, just what he told her. I really want to let her know that he called me and sent messages. At the same time, he came from a broken home and I care enough to not want him to go thru that again.  My marriage is failing because of this, while he skips thru life wth lies...what to do?  The plot thickens, because the exact same situation happened to my husband.
I found out he had been in a Internet relationship with his ex for 10 yrs on and off.. or so he says. The same situation applied! He threw her under the bus.  I think i know the truth now from living the experience out myself. Should I call this woman and let her know the truth. I wish someone had told me?

--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------

I'm not sure why your marriage is failing. If your husband thinks that somehow you are the villain in this, he's way off base; especially after his past experience in matters such as this one. I don't know how his wife found out about your presence in his life, but for him to not cop to how it all began does not speak well of him. Call it gutlessness, but this is not uncommon in these circumstances as you well know.  If this were me, I'd let it go and cut off all correspondence with him. You don't need him in your life, do you? You have a husband and kids, and unless you were considering cheating with this man, or have stronger feelings for him than you are willing to admit, protecting your family and not bringing more trouble to your door is a no-brainer. If you tell his wife the truth, you could open up a can of worms for them, and I don't think it's worth it to get more involved. You did correspond with him, no matter the fact he tracked you down and, ultimately, she's going to think what she wants no matter if she's told the truth, or not. Let this go, and if your husband seems to hold a grudge, get to marriage counseling before your marriage does end up in the pits. Your husband's no innocent. He had a similar experience and, now, he's judging you? Ridiculous. Your husband threw his ex under the bus because he wanted to save his marriage to you, right? Well, I guess your ex is doing the same. But now is the time to save yours. If your husband won't go to counseling, you go. This needs to be sorted out, and quickly.