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Grad-student Finds Hitch In Long- distance Relationship
- By Miss Emily
- Published 10/16/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 years. The last couple years have been long-distance, but I recently moved even further away for graduate school. We have always been pretty good at the distance thing. We text, skype, and talk on the phone all of the time. I had plans to see him in one week when he told me that he has been seeing another girl. They have been talking, hanging out, and even making out (I guess it could be worse) for about a week. It has been 2 months since I saw him. He sees this girl everyday, so I am not sure that I could ever trust him again with her. I am completely in love with him and had plans of building my future with him.
When I moved for graduate school, things were very rushed. He helped me with last minute packing, but we did not have much time to spend together and focus just on us. He had expressed to me how 'off' that goodbye felt. I always brushed it off and said that the next time we saw each other, it wouldn't end like that. He said he was tired of waiting for me though, and just couldn't do it. My heart is telling me to work things out with him because I know he is my soulmate, but my head is telling me that what he did is inexcusable. My family and friends are very protective and tell me that I should not give him another chance because what he did was so wrong. I just can't imagine my life without him.
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
This is a time to take stock. When you said, "He said he was tired of waiting for me though, and just couldn't do it" that was one big red flag as to how difficult it is to carry on a long-distance relationship. Love sometime isn't enough, and timing is everything. But I suggest you let him play this out. If he's your soul-mate, I wouldn't kick him to the curb just yet. People are human, and humans do hurtful things to each other. In matters of the heart, that's when you feel it the most. In the great scheme of things, it's hard to resist temptation when it fills a void. If this were me, as hurt as I would be, I think I'd do the "stiff upper lip" and give him time to figure out what he wants to do. You aren't setting yourself up to be a fool, only taking a mature approach to a very complicated issue. You can tell him, "I won't promise you I'll be here for you when your feelings for her run its course, were that the case, but I won't hold you back, nor abruptly sever any chance of us moving forward at some point down the line." The fact you can't see your life without him should allow you to be rational, and careful in your actions and words. I know you're hurt, but this is common in these situations, and it's not impossible to be with him down the road if the bumps smooth out. Any forgiveness required will come to you if you realize that he is a man, and not Superman.
When I moved for graduate school, things were very rushed. He helped me with last minute packing, but we did not have much time to spend together and focus just on us. He had expressed to me how 'off' that goodbye felt. I always brushed it off and said that the next time we saw each other, it wouldn't end like that. He said he was tired of waiting for me though, and just couldn't do it. My heart is telling me to work things out with him because I know he is my soulmate, but my head is telling me that what he did is inexcusable. My family and friends are very protective and tell me that I should not give him another chance because what he did was so wrong. I just can't imagine my life without him.
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
This is a time to take stock. When you said, "He said he was tired of waiting for me though, and just couldn't do it" that was one big red flag as to how difficult it is to carry on a long-distance relationship. Love sometime isn't enough, and timing is everything. But I suggest you let him play this out. If he's your soul-mate, I wouldn't kick him to the curb just yet. People are human, and humans do hurtful things to each other. In matters of the heart, that's when you feel it the most. In the great scheme of things, it's hard to resist temptation when it fills a void. If this were me, as hurt as I would be, I think I'd do the "stiff upper lip" and give him time to figure out what he wants to do. You aren't setting yourself up to be a fool, only taking a mature approach to a very complicated issue. You can tell him, "I won't promise you I'll be here for you when your feelings for her run its course, were that the case, but I won't hold you back, nor abruptly sever any chance of us moving forward at some point down the line." The fact you can't see your life without him should allow you to be rational, and careful in your actions and words. I know you're hurt, but this is common in these situations, and it's not impossible to be with him down the road if the bumps smooth out. Any forgiveness required will come to you if you realize that he is a man, and not Superman.
