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Gay Friend Keeps Quiet
- By Miss Emily
- Published 10/10/2011
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Miss Emily:
I have these two friends. My best friend, and a mutual good friend who we both hang out with weekly. We've always had suspicions that he is gay. He always gets defensive when we refer to him as gay, as a joke. He just has that very feminine aura about him. Last night, my BF took his iPod touch and found his history was all gay porn. How should we approach him about that, especially since he denies being gay to us?
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
Why approach him? He'll tell you if he wants you to know. And stop making the jokes! That's probably one reason why he's not forthcoming. He is surely sensitive about this, and even if he wants to come out of the closet, maybe your jokes convince him to keep the door shut. Being gay is hard in society. And if he's a teen, that only adds to any insecurity he has about coming out. Teens can be so nasty and cruel. Sometimes, we foolishly think it's, almost, universally accepted because there are movies and television shows that highlight gay people. And it's not only accepted, but respected. As well, there are pockets of rational people in places around the world who don't care about a man or woman's sexuality, because it's none of their business! But there are also good portions of societies who remain steadfastly homophobic, and it's tough to know what kind of reaction a gay male, or female is going to get from the people he (or she) cares about -- not to mention strangers. This is his life, so please respect his privacy. He's dealing with it in his own way, and it would be really nice if you and your friend let it go. If the conversation ever comes up about gays in society, you might want to let him know you think people have a right to live their lives as they see fit, and with apologies to none.
--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------
Why approach him? He'll tell you if he wants you to know. And stop making the jokes! That's probably one reason why he's not forthcoming. He is surely sensitive about this, and even if he wants to come out of the closet, maybe your jokes convince him to keep the door shut. Being gay is hard in society. And if he's a teen, that only adds to any insecurity he has about coming out. Teens can be so nasty and cruel. Sometimes, we foolishly think it's, almost, universally accepted because there are movies and television shows that highlight gay people. And it's not only accepted, but respected. As well, there are pockets of rational people in places around the world who don't care about a man or woman's sexuality, because it's none of their business! But there are also good portions of societies who remain steadfastly homophobic, and it's tough to know what kind of reaction a gay male, or female is going to get from the people he (or she) cares about -- not to mention strangers. This is his life, so please respect his privacy. He's dealing with it in his own way, and it would be really nice if you and your friend let it go. If the conversation ever comes up about gays in society, you might want to let him know you think people have a right to live their lives as they see fit, and with apologies to none.
