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Teen Girl Dating Troubled Boy
- By Miss Emily
- Published 10/5/2011
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Miss Emily:
I'm 16, and I recently started dating a boy from school. We've been together for 3 weeks, and I learned that he cuts himself. He said he does this because he feels alone, but has stopped because of me. I don't want to date him anymore because I realized I see him more as a friend. But I can't breakup with him because he practically said he'd kill himself if I did. What do I do? PLEASE HELP ME!
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------
I know how hard this is, but you have to get out now. This boy has some deep emotional problems, and they can't become your problems. It's not being callous, or selfish. It's only protecting yourself, and you have every right to do it. I would bet he has some "issues" at home, but you can't solve them. You only serve as a band-aid over them and that allows him to avoid getting help. You need to tell him this: "We've been dating 3 weeks, and I've decided I only want friendship. I know you're going to think you did something wrong, but you didn't. When two people start dating, it takes a while to know if you want friendship, or more. I decided friendship is all I can give to you." And please find the courage to do it. The longer you wait, the deeper you get involved with him and the harder it is for you to break away. He's already controlling the relationship by laying a guilt trip on you when he said he'd "practically kill himself" if you were to break up with him. This isn't a relationship, it's a hostage situation. He has a need to be dependent on someone, but you cannot play that role. When you're in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, you want it to be on equal footing and not where you are holding the hand of a trouble boy who needs more help than you can give him. Again, get out now. If you feel he's a danger to himself, tell someone at the school. I feel sorry for him, I really do, but I will also feel sorry for you if you continue down this road.
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------------
I know how hard this is, but you have to get out now. This boy has some deep emotional problems, and they can't become your problems. It's not being callous, or selfish. It's only protecting yourself, and you have every right to do it. I would bet he has some "issues" at home, but you can't solve them. You only serve as a band-aid over them and that allows him to avoid getting help. You need to tell him this: "We've been dating 3 weeks, and I've decided I only want friendship. I know you're going to think you did something wrong, but you didn't. When two people start dating, it takes a while to know if you want friendship, or more. I decided friendship is all I can give to you." And please find the courage to do it. The longer you wait, the deeper you get involved with him and the harder it is for you to break away. He's already controlling the relationship by laying a guilt trip on you when he said he'd "practically kill himself" if you were to break up with him. This isn't a relationship, it's a hostage situation. He has a need to be dependent on someone, but you cannot play that role. When you're in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, you want it to be on equal footing and not where you are holding the hand of a trouble boy who needs more help than you can give him. Again, get out now. If you feel he's a danger to himself, tell someone at the school. I feel sorry for him, I really do, but I will also feel sorry for you if you continue down this road.
