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Sister Does Drugs
- By Miss Emily
- Published 09/28/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I am a 21 year old female, and I have a bit of a family problem. There is a lot of back story I can put here but I will try to shorten it as much as possible. My mom had a messed up childhood were her mother killed herself, and my mother got married right out of high school. She had depression and her husband, my father, didn't know how to deal with it so he divorced her. They both remarried and my older brother, older sister and I had to live with their choices. None of us took it well. Anyway my sister decided to turn to drugs when she moved out and had a boyfriend that did heroin and abused her. She got out of that, and she came to stay with me until she was clean. This was a year ago, and we thought evrything was fine. However, today at my mom's work a customer informed her that my sister was in the paper for a 5th degree felony for having drugs in her car. The car that my mom cosigned for her so that she would be able to get to school. Which she now won't be able to go to since she has a felony! Mom is upset and is blaming herself saying she was a horrible mother. My brother is a great school teacher, and I am a massage therapist at a hospital. Neither of us abuse any substance (well I drink a lot of tea but I don't think that counts). Mom didn't even want to tell me and I really don't know what to do.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
You've done all you can by helping your sister when she needed you, but the lure of heroin is too great for her to resist. There are all sorts of reasons why people turn to drugs and, of course, a dysfunctional background can be the impetus. But you and your brother were able to weather the stormy past and make a solid choice to financial independence and living a good life. At least I hope that's true, because you deserve it, and owe it to yourself. None of us choose our parents -- and, too often, they are all too human and fallible. Your mother does feel guilty, but guilt is a useless emotion. It changes nothing. Your mother has, or had issues with depression, and it's often hereditary. In that respect, she is a victim if she inherited her mother's gene for it. I am sure you think your mother made unfortunate choices, but it seems you have chosen to shed the baggage because you had no role in it -- and it's a burden you don't need. Your sister is, more than likely, going to have to pay a price for this 5th degree felony charge. She will need a private attorney, or her case will be handled by a public defender. Some courts will force the defendant into drug rehab. But, as you know, there are no guarantees in success. In fact, there is a fairly low rate of success -- yet we hope that's not the case for your sister. Neither road is easy to take with her. If you placate her -- enable her, she will probably go on as usual. If you exhibit tough love, she may go on as usual, and end up on the street. But I firmly believe that you cannot drag your life into the sewer with her. That makes two people miserable, and you've done absolute nothing to warrant it. It's a choice, but I would be supportive -- and from a distance. To be in the middle of it is tantamount to a living hell. You've paid your dues, and now it's time to set boundaries and go on with your life.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
You've done all you can by helping your sister when she needed you, but the lure of heroin is too great for her to resist. There are all sorts of reasons why people turn to drugs and, of course, a dysfunctional background can be the impetus. But you and your brother were able to weather the stormy past and make a solid choice to financial independence and living a good life. At least I hope that's true, because you deserve it, and owe it to yourself. None of us choose our parents -- and, too often, they are all too human and fallible. Your mother does feel guilty, but guilt is a useless emotion. It changes nothing. Your mother has, or had issues with depression, and it's often hereditary. In that respect, she is a victim if she inherited her mother's gene for it. I am sure you think your mother made unfortunate choices, but it seems you have chosen to shed the baggage because you had no role in it -- and it's a burden you don't need. Your sister is, more than likely, going to have to pay a price for this 5th degree felony charge. She will need a private attorney, or her case will be handled by a public defender. Some courts will force the defendant into drug rehab. But, as you know, there are no guarantees in success. In fact, there is a fairly low rate of success -- yet we hope that's not the case for your sister. Neither road is easy to take with her. If you placate her -- enable her, she will probably go on as usual. If you exhibit tough love, she may go on as usual, and end up on the street. But I firmly believe that you cannot drag your life into the sewer with her. That makes two people miserable, and you've done absolute nothing to warrant it. It's a choice, but I would be supportive -- and from a distance. To be in the middle of it is tantamount to a living hell. You've paid your dues, and now it's time to set boundaries and go on with your life.
