Dear Miss Emily:

I am a 22 year old female. I have a boyfriend whom I know I want to be with for the rest of my life. We've been dating for a little over a year and have lived together for 3 months due to him moving and we didn't want to break up.  We've talked about marriage but he is Christian and I am Athiest. Now, he doesn't have a problem with that except he really wants me to go to church with him if he ever gets the chance to. I say "no" because it makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't particularly care for it. After talking extensively, he basically said he couldn't marry someone who wasn't willing to try it. I just don't understand why it is such a big deal to him. He doesn't practice his religion and never goes to church since we've known each other, so why does religion have to play this huge of part? Should I give up my ground on this? I don't want to get married anytime soon but when I do, do I have to be the one to give in?

----------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------------

You can't "give in" to something that goes against your philosophy on life. You believe in God, or you don't -- or you're agnostic and simply don't believe one way or the other. Some people have a change of heart in their lives, but it seems you are pretty secure in your beliefs. It would be a betrayal of who you are to acquiesce. You have every right to be who you are. And he has every right to be who his is -- and there lies the problem. When he says he wants you to "try it", to me, that's a veiled, I knows the way, and all you need to do is see the light. A true Christian believes that those who do not accept Christ are destined to go to hell. You might want to clarify that with him. Any Christian who believes that's the case can only hope the wayward change their minds, or try to indoctrinate them before they die. He doesn't have to go to church to be a believer. I am thinking that if you were to marry him, he'd want his children to be raised in the church, or at least believe in God and Christ. He'd have to be willing to let the kids hear your belief system, as well, and not resent you after the fact -- or demand that you don't! I do not see much hope for this relationship in terms of marriage, but I would get this settled now. Seeing a couples counselor might help to clarify your positions with an unbiased party present. But that won't change the basic facts in this relationship if he's wedded to the idea of you coming around to his way of thinking. It's wishful thinking on his part, and arrogant to think you'll "get it" one day. Couples who happily succeed "forever" have these elements in the relationship: trust, respect, common interests and values, open communication, and a willingness to form a working partnership. If one party wants to change the other, you're looking at a failed relationship right off the bat. Don't think putting this off will, magically, make it go away. It won't.