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Live-in Boyfriend Lives Two Lives
- By Miss Emily
- Published 09/26/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 yrs, going on three. I am totally committed to him seeing as how I'm a stay at home mom. He is not the father of my son. He's always leaving to work, seeing friends, going to parties, pool games, etc. It seems like he always wants to leave. And when he is home, I talk to him but feel like I'm invisible. He doesn't want to get married for a while, and he's always exploding at me because I don't have a job. He talks to his ex, and he says I'm jealous but I'm not! I just don't want her in our lives, but he continues to do so. I don't know what to do anymore. And sex is only good when he wants it. I don't know what goes on in his outside life except what he tells me. What should I do? I'm so confused.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
Your guy lives two lives: The one he has with you, and the one he has with his friends and outside activities where you're not included. I don't know if there are other women involved (other than his ex), but he's showing little, to no respect for you -- and that would be an understatement. As long as you are dependent on him, financially, you will be at his mercy. Please consider getting a job. Having some financial independence may give you more power in the relationship -- or should! As long as he brings in the money he, through his actions, has told you that you have no real input into how he lives his life. In my opinion, I don't think he even thinks about marrying you. Why would he want to pin himself down more than he already has? I don't know how old your son is but, again, I would strongly consider getting a job if at all possible. This relationship may not be successful no matter what you do, but as long as he's financing the home-front, he thinks that entitles him to do what he wants, when he wants. To bring in an income will allow you to get your own place if he decided the arrangement he has with you is no longer working for him, or you can no longer be treated like a second-class citizen. You don't want to be blindsided. You have obligations to your son, and that's keeping a roof over his head and food on the table. If your guy suddenly decides he doesn't want to do that anymore, you're going to have to do it yourself. A job could give you the the self-respect you need, and may actually help improve the relationship. Emily
I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 yrs, going on three. I am totally committed to him seeing as how I'm a stay at home mom. He is not the father of my son. He's always leaving to work, seeing friends, going to parties, pool games, etc. It seems like he always wants to leave. And when he is home, I talk to him but feel like I'm invisible. He doesn't want to get married for a while, and he's always exploding at me because I don't have a job. He talks to his ex, and he says I'm jealous but I'm not! I just don't want her in our lives, but he continues to do so. I don't know what to do anymore. And sex is only good when he wants it. I don't know what goes on in his outside life except what he tells me. What should I do? I'm so confused.
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------
Your guy lives two lives: The one he has with you, and the one he has with his friends and outside activities where you're not included. I don't know if there are other women involved (other than his ex), but he's showing little, to no respect for you -- and that would be an understatement. As long as you are dependent on him, financially, you will be at his mercy. Please consider getting a job. Having some financial independence may give you more power in the relationship -- or should! As long as he brings in the money he, through his actions, has told you that you have no real input into how he lives his life. In my opinion, I don't think he even thinks about marrying you. Why would he want to pin himself down more than he already has? I don't know how old your son is but, again, I would strongly consider getting a job if at all possible. This relationship may not be successful no matter what you do, but as long as he's financing the home-front, he thinks that entitles him to do what he wants, when he wants. To bring in an income will allow you to get your own place if he decided the arrangement he has with you is no longer working for him, or you can no longer be treated like a second-class citizen. You don't want to be blindsided. You have obligations to your son, and that's keeping a roof over his head and food on the table. If your guy suddenly decides he doesn't want to do that anymore, you're going to have to do it yourself. A job could give you the the self-respect you need, and may actually help improve the relationship. Emily
