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Break-up After Seven Year Relationship
- By Miss Emily
- Published 09/19/2011
- Relationships - Women
Hi Miss Emily:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for around 7 years. We broke up for this year as the problems were mounting and we weren't happy. It was a mutual decision. Its been 4 months, and in these few months I started to like another guy. We kissed a couple of times and considered going out too. But once i realised he was just a rebound guy, I ended everything with him. Now my ex wants me back. Im still confused about getting back with him because the only reason I would is cause of all the memories and because I love him -- but think it would still end with the same outcome. Also if I do end up getting back with him, do you think I should tell him about the rebound guy?
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
I am sure you love this man. He was a constant in your life and, in a sense, became a family member. But that doesn't mean you can make the relationship work a second time around. Both of you agreed to break-up for a reason. Now that you've had four months apart, it's given you and your ex an opportunity to see how hard it is to let go of the past. It's not easy when two good people care a great deal for each other. It's also hard to admit that after all that time, the relationship may have run its course. Relationships either come to an end, or they stay together. And that includes relationships that come to an end, and couples still stay together. The latter is the absolute worst situation to be in. I don't think it's wise to jump back into it with him without careful analysis of what went wrong, and with some concrete solutions to fix it. In these circumstances, anyone you see after a break up is going to be considered rebound. But that doesn't discount the fact that there may be something to pursue if fear is eliminated, or you find someone worth your time and effort. Anyone can wait for a mourning period to end, but one reason people seek out others after a relationship breaks up is to see if they can form bonds that were lacking with an ex. But whatever your feelings, I think it would be a good idea to see a couple's counselor to hammer this out were you considering a redo. Again, if you don't have concrete solutions to the problems you two had in the relationship, you can get back together endless times and still be back to square one. I think it would be all right to tell him you did see someone else during the break. If he is threatened by that and takes issue with you, it's an indication he's incapable of seeing the bigger picture. You broke up because the relationship wasn't working, not because you decided to join a convent!
My boyfriend and I have been dating for around 7 years. We broke up for this year as the problems were mounting and we weren't happy. It was a mutual decision. Its been 4 months, and in these few months I started to like another guy. We kissed a couple of times and considered going out too. But once i realised he was just a rebound guy, I ended everything with him. Now my ex wants me back. Im still confused about getting back with him because the only reason I would is cause of all the memories and because I love him -- but think it would still end with the same outcome. Also if I do end up getting back with him, do you think I should tell him about the rebound guy?
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------
I am sure you love this man. He was a constant in your life and, in a sense, became a family member. But that doesn't mean you can make the relationship work a second time around. Both of you agreed to break-up for a reason. Now that you've had four months apart, it's given you and your ex an opportunity to see how hard it is to let go of the past. It's not easy when two good people care a great deal for each other. It's also hard to admit that after all that time, the relationship may have run its course. Relationships either come to an end, or they stay together. And that includes relationships that come to an end, and couples still stay together. The latter is the absolute worst situation to be in. I don't think it's wise to jump back into it with him without careful analysis of what went wrong, and with some concrete solutions to fix it. In these circumstances, anyone you see after a break up is going to be considered rebound. But that doesn't discount the fact that there may be something to pursue if fear is eliminated, or you find someone worth your time and effort. Anyone can wait for a mourning period to end, but one reason people seek out others after a relationship breaks up is to see if they can form bonds that were lacking with an ex. But whatever your feelings, I think it would be a good idea to see a couple's counselor to hammer this out were you considering a redo. Again, if you don't have concrete solutions to the problems you two had in the relationship, you can get back together endless times and still be back to square one. I think it would be all right to tell him you did see someone else during the break. If he is threatened by that and takes issue with you, it's an indication he's incapable of seeing the bigger picture. You broke up because the relationship wasn't working, not because you decided to join a convent!
