Dear Emily,

My situation is a little complex and there are two major issues. I've been with my bf for a little over a year. We've established it is a serious relationship and understand that marriage is the final outcome. The first issue, he's not divorced. So needless to say, that has put a tremendous stress on us. His divorce is progressing, but very slowly. Second issue, I've been snooping on the internet and found his "ex-wife's" facebook and other public information where she post pictures. So basically, according to HER pictures, I've come to find out that he hasn't exactly been honest with me. He didn't tell me he met her when according to her pics, they did. Now, I understand they need to talk about their divorce. I don't have a problem with that. But he fails to mention the meetings to me and that's what I find fault with. So my question is, by my snooping, I know he's lying to me but he can't ever know that I snoop. How do I deal with this? I went through a divorce as well and I know how difficult it is. I didn't want to share my feelings and events with anyone, not even my own sister. What should I do?

------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------------

It does seem odd that she posts pictures with them together and that, somehow, you were able to determine they have met recently. Pictures are not usually representative of "meetings" to discuss divorce issues. What concerns me is that she is not over him and does not want this divorce. I assume he wants it, but it may be he's trying to coddle her in an attempt to push this along in a more equitable way. Unfortunately, that will, more than likely, not work but will only stall the divorce for a longer period of time if her plan is to get him back. It's possible that he is not admitting to seeing her because she is manipulating him, and he's embarrassed that she has this control. You didn't say if kids are involved, but that can only muddy the waters. When a person gets a divorce, as I am sure you well know, it can be so emotionally damaging that the individual would rather be publicly flogged than to have to go through it. If you refuse to take this up with him, I think you're going to have to assume (as long as he's been a loving partner in all other respects) that he is reticent to admit he's being jerked around, and/or fearful of your reaction if he were to tell you he had met with her. If what I suspect is true, he may be playing a fool's game. Although an attorney can make a great deal of money in handling a divorce, it keeps the parties separate. If he plans to marry you, I think that's the better choice than meeting with her and hoping for some resolution. In the future, without being paranoid, keep your eyes and ears open to anything that doesn't seem quite right with him. This divorce should not be years in the making. If this doesn't get resolved in a reasonable amount of time, that's when you're going to have to reassess if you want to stay in this relationship.