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Texting Affair Can't Be Forgiven
- By Miss Emily
- Published 09/10/2011
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
It's been nearly a year now since I found out my girlfriend had been texting another man. She said it was because she was lonely and that I didnt pay her enough attention. Since then, I have tried to put it behind me, but it is just not going away. What do I do? I no longer trust her and find it very hard to believe anything she tells me. I don't want to leave her, or our kids because I do really love her but its just not going away, please help me.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
You have a lot a stake here, but I understand your dilemma. And as I always say (ad nauseam) if you don't have trust in a relationship, you have nothing. But you are adding insult to injury over this "texting affair" if she has given you no reason to doubt her since this breach. My hope is that you can, in time, forgive and forget. We are human, and we make mistakes. If she said she did it because she was lonely, well, it was wrong for her to not address it with you and try and solve the problem -- but she didn't, and let temptation get the better of her. I see the bigger problem is that if you don't forgive her and move on, you'll give her every justification for doing it again if she is aware of your anger. Not that you are to blame, but if you are hostile (have simmering resentment toward her) and haven't tried to correct the basic reason she says she did this, you two can't move forward with renewed commitment -- and she can't do it alone. The relationship stays in limbo, and that's shoving it closer to its death. If you get the feeling she doesn't love you, and doesn't really care about the relationship, well, I can see why you might want to throw in the towel -- but you and she have kids together, and if this was just this one error in judgment, and you keep punishing her, you punish yourself, as well, and everyone suffers. Don't let false pride dictate the outcome. If money allows, couples counseling can decide whether this relationship is worth saving. If she won't go to counseling, you go.
----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
You have a lot a stake here, but I understand your dilemma. And as I always say (ad nauseam) if you don't have trust in a relationship, you have nothing. But you are adding insult to injury over this "texting affair" if she has given you no reason to doubt her since this breach. My hope is that you can, in time, forgive and forget. We are human, and we make mistakes. If she said she did it because she was lonely, well, it was wrong for her to not address it with you and try and solve the problem -- but she didn't, and let temptation get the better of her. I see the bigger problem is that if you don't forgive her and move on, you'll give her every justification for doing it again if she is aware of your anger. Not that you are to blame, but if you are hostile (have simmering resentment toward her) and haven't tried to correct the basic reason she says she did this, you two can't move forward with renewed commitment -- and she can't do it alone. The relationship stays in limbo, and that's shoving it closer to its death. If you get the feeling she doesn't love you, and doesn't really care about the relationship, well, I can see why you might want to throw in the towel -- but you and she have kids together, and if this was just this one error in judgment, and you keep punishing her, you punish yourself, as well, and everyone suffers. Don't let false pride dictate the outcome. If money allows, couples counseling can decide whether this relationship is worth saving. If she won't go to counseling, you go.
