Last summer, my wife had an affair with a lesbian she met at school. In a nutshell, my wife began to think she was a lesbian and would never be happy with me again. She broke off the affair after about a month (or so I thought). I found out months later she kept in contact with the girl through an unknown e-mail address and by creating a fake Facebook account. During this time, my wife began hanging out with an old friend who she never hung out with before. This friend had an affair with a woman several years earlier and still sees this girl on the side Her husband allows it). This old friend of my wife's, during the time my wife and I were trying to sort things out, said a few times she thought my wife was hot and would have sex with her to "get it out" of my wife's "system." It never happened. However, since that time, my wife has become best friends with this woman. I am not comfortable with the relationship because this woman wanted to be with my wife at one point. Even though they were friends in high school (which was 14+ years ago), they never really hung out with each other until last summer when my wife was going through this phase. They did talk on the phone, occasionally, and were friends on facebook but they did not ever seen each other or hang out. Also, while my wife was having the affair, and before I knew, this old friend found out and would talk to my wife about everything. In addition, while my wife and I were working through it all, this woman lied to me once to cover my wife's tracks and, at one point when I requested my wife not contact her, tried to go behind my back to contact my wife. She asked my wife to meet her somewhere so they could talk. My wife and I have worked things out since. She says she was mentally unstable during the affair and was in the affair fog people normally are in which caused her to act stupidly. She wants to be with me and I believe her. She really has broken off the relationship with the girl she had the affair with. On the other hand, she remains best friends with this old friend. They spend a lot of time together, text and call each other all the time, and pretty much talk about everything. There are times when I think they are both having an emotional affair with each other. This woman's husband is non-existent in her life for the most part. He is dedicated to his job more than her and their family. She has a lot of free time on her hands. She also has panic attacks. She asks my wife to be there for her during these attacks. Anyways, what I am getting at is this. I am not comfortable with their relationship. My wife says they never did anything and would never do anything. Her friend now says she is beyond that point in her life and would not dare do anything. I honestly believe nothing physical is going on between them but I just cannot get beyond the fact this woman said in my presence she wanted my wife, lied to me a few times, and relies on my wife for her emotional support. I do not like the fact my wife texts and calls her all the time and the friend does the same. Granted my wife does the same with her other friends, but it is only this friend that bugs me. If my wife wants to do something with this friend, I get an uneasy feeling. If, for example, my wife comes home with a bracelet she got from this friend's home, I do not like it if she wears it. If my wife talks to this friend about "life" before she talks to me about the same, I get an uneasy feeling. Am I being ridiculous to think that my wife should break off contact with this friend because of the inappropriate actions that happened? The woman should have not lied to me and tried to contact my wife behind my back. She should not have told me and my wife to our faces that she would have sex with my wife because she is hot; even if it was only to "get it out of her system." I feel like the reason they started hanging out was because of what my wife was doing and going through. They only started hanging out because there was a chance they would hook up. If it was my choice, I would say they cannot be friends. I feel like it is similar to my wife hanging out with one of her old boyfriends, or something. She admits that would be inappropriate but says it is not the same to hang out with this friend now because they were already friends before and because neither would dare do anything now to ruin their friendship. Advice?

-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------

No, you're not being ridiculous. I agree with you. Your wife seems to care more about this friendship than you. After what you went through with this aburd, emotional volleyball game, and the lies, you have every right to ask your wife to be sensitive to your feelings and sever this relationship. This friend has a hook. She has created a type of dependency on your wife because of her insecurity issues and, therefore, has become controlling. But, ultimately, it's your wife who carries the burden of blame. She can make a choice, but she chooses to remain caught up in this exclusive relationship at the risk of you feeling like an outsider. Marriage is about trust, respect, and creating a working partnership -- first and foremost. Your wife seems to be playing the role of an "innocent" in their relationship, and that's a coward's way out. She chooses to be in this relationship with her friend because, out of want or need, it suits her. I think marriage counseling would help. And that doesn't mean in order to fix your marriage, only to find out if it's worth saving.