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- Not Rape -- But Not Okay
Not Rape -- But Not Okay
- By Miss Emily
- Published 09/9/2011
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
I have been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 6 months. I think that he's the one. A few nights ago we got drunk and had sex, but i was drunk and i didnt really want to do it but i said "yes" anyway, but half way through i wanted to stop and he got annoyed at me and said that he had to wank because it feels weird not to complete the act. It really hurt my feelings. I went home sober and crying. Should it have hurt my feelings? Is it rape? I hope not. We're both 16, and I'm in love with him, but everyday now he keeps on asking me what's wrong and I don't know how to tell him how I feel. I don't know if you'll understand this at all, but please help.
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
It's not considered rape. You both chose to drink, and you gave him permission. He didn't force you into sex against your will, he only laid a guilt trip when you had doubts, and you caved. You think he may be "the one" but never love anyone who is not sensitive to your feelings. I know guys have urges, but he wasn't thinking about you. I hope he wasn't too drunk, and used protection. If not, that's when you may have to worry about an STD and/or pregnancy. But you can't "un-ring" this bell, sweet one. You can only go forward with the resolve to change your attitude about yourself, and him. He was aggressive in his manner, and horribly selfish. You need to tell him that. As well, no more sex until you feel it's right for you. Being in love is more than infatuation with certain characteristics about someone. You need respect, as well as trust, first and foremost and, now, you don't trust him to have your best interests at heart. You're not a second-class citizen, nor a helpless girl who's not in charge of her life. Understand that, now, or you may continue to feel like a victim --and that could affect future relationships. You have a responsibility to be in control of your life, and never let anyone take that from you. Have a heart-to-heart talk with him about your feelings on what happened, and see what he has to say. If he gets defensive, and totally passes the blame on to you because you "allowed it to happen," he's a 16 year-old jackass of a boy who only cares about himself when the chips are down. Your feelings may be hurt, but that isn't going to get you where you want to be in life. Take charge. Girl power! Use it.
I have been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 6 months. I think that he's the one. A few nights ago we got drunk and had sex, but i was drunk and i didnt really want to do it but i said "yes" anyway, but half way through i wanted to stop and he got annoyed at me and said that he had to wank because it feels weird not to complete the act. It really hurt my feelings. I went home sober and crying. Should it have hurt my feelings? Is it rape? I hope not. We're both 16, and I'm in love with him, but everyday now he keeps on asking me what's wrong and I don't know how to tell him how I feel. I don't know if you'll understand this at all, but please help.
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
It's not considered rape. You both chose to drink, and you gave him permission. He didn't force you into sex against your will, he only laid a guilt trip when you had doubts, and you caved. You think he may be "the one" but never love anyone who is not sensitive to your feelings. I know guys have urges, but he wasn't thinking about you. I hope he wasn't too drunk, and used protection. If not, that's when you may have to worry about an STD and/or pregnancy. But you can't "un-ring" this bell, sweet one. You can only go forward with the resolve to change your attitude about yourself, and him. He was aggressive in his manner, and horribly selfish. You need to tell him that. As well, no more sex until you feel it's right for you. Being in love is more than infatuation with certain characteristics about someone. You need respect, as well as trust, first and foremost and, now, you don't trust him to have your best interests at heart. You're not a second-class citizen, nor a helpless girl who's not in charge of her life. Understand that, now, or you may continue to feel like a victim --and that could affect future relationships. You have a responsibility to be in control of your life, and never let anyone take that from you. Have a heart-to-heart talk with him about your feelings on what happened, and see what he has to say. If he gets defensive, and totally passes the blame on to you because you "allowed it to happen," he's a 16 year-old jackass of a boy who only cares about himself when the chips are down. Your feelings may be hurt, but that isn't going to get you where you want to be in life. Take charge. Girl power! Use it.
