Dear Miss Emily,

My boyfriend and I have been dating 3 years now. In the begining of our relationship he was very serious about me. I was young and stupid and, for some reason, I didnt really take him seriously. I didn't care about us. Now I'm serious about us, and he is not! I have hurt him in the past, but that's almost 2 years ago. Now he keeps on chating with other girls, and flirting with them. When I spoke to him about it he said he can do what he wants to -- I did it so he can. But I stopped hurting him. He just can't get over it and, now, he is geting me back. He cheated on me 2 years back and I got over it, so why can't he do the same? We had a big fight the other day, and he said every time he looks at me he thinks about some other girl. He did say sorry for what he said -- but sorry doesn't make it better. He thinks when he says sorry, what he did never happend. He thinks he can do whatever he wants and just say sorry and, then, its over and I have to pretend like nothing ever happend. We don't live together, so I only see him on weekends, and during the week I don't hear anything from him, unless I phone him. I'm very sick, and he knows what I'm going through, yet I could msg him telling him I'm sick, today, and he won't even ask me if im okay! I dont exist to him during the week. Most times, he doesn't want to see me on weekend as well but, then, when i don't show, he gets upset. He blames me for everything he does wrong! I have been nothing but good for him. I give him everything he wants. I love him so much, but it's like he doesn't love me back. I don't know why I havent dumped him and just moved on, but there's just something about him. I have spoken to him about this, but he think everything is a joke. He never wants to tell me how he feels. I don't have a clue how he feels about me and what's going on. He wil phone me the one minute and be nice, and the next time he will treat me like shit. If I ask him why, he won't say. I don't know what to do anymore. When I'm with him he looks so happy, but as soon as I leave everything changes. It's like out of sight out of mind with him.

------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------

The relationship has become toxic, and you and he seem to have an unhealthy emotional dependency on each other. This is no longer a relationship -- but an obligation. You say you love him, but I'm not sure that it's nothing more than your inability to see the truth -- and you are fighting to keep something together that is no longer real. You desperately want his love and approval, and he's not giving it to you -- but you keep trying. Now he knows he has you over a barrel, he can treat you anyway he wants and he knows you'll take it. It's really up to you, but I think this relationship needs to end, at least for now. He can't seem to forgive you for your past (or that's the excuse he uses) and he rationalizes being with other women as payback to you. Admit that, it's highly probably he likes having other women in his life. The fact you don't see him during the week, and some weekends, gives him an incredible amount of freedom to do what he wants, when he wants. That's fine if he's single. If you can't muster some emotional strength and let him go in order to reevaluate your life, I don't see any change unless he makes it. If you don't have trust in a relationship, you don't have anything more than a tug-of-war. Exhausting, to say the least.