Dear Miss Emily:
Hi. I
'm writing to you because i cant remember ever being this confused. My best friend happens to be a wonderful,
wonderful boy. He's lovely in
every way! He's sensitive , he's attractive , he's a gentleman and it's
like he's my twin soul. He understands me and gets me
like no one else. We finish each
other's sentences. We talk all the time and we do love each other , and it's been this way for the last 6 years. We dated a couple of times in between, but it never got in the way of our friendship, but we're both older now and
I'm starting to realize the value of long-term relationships, and I know a few years down the line
I'll want to find someone and be with him for the long haul. It just scares me that i think i might have found this person in my
best friend. I love him too such an extent it is insane. I might even be in love with him, but I can't be completely sure -- wait, no I am! He's just gotten out of a relationship and is extremely damaged. I absolutely despise the person he was with, but I
've just tried to be supportive, and haven't really said anything negative It scares me that I
might have found my
soul-mate. and that I
might not end up with him. What if life gets in the way? He's felt very
strongly for me in the past, and as have I, but somehow those feelings
have never coincided. I know I can still date other people if I
want, but it seems like such a shame to waste the time because,
in my mind, it's as if all the fogs lifted and i know that ultimately we're
meant to be
together, I
don't think it's hit him yet but,
of late, he's been a little awkward with me. I
feel whenever we talk
there's always a big fat elephant in the room but we're used to that. We'll always
have feelings for each other but, right now, mine are stronger than they have ever been. What do I do ? What do you think will come out of this?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
I
think it's time to lay the cards on the table. You have these feelings
for him, and they are not going to magically go away. Now, I understand
your trepidation. You think you'll lose him if you are honest about how
you feel, or the friendship will be forever altered. That, however,
could happen if he got a girlfriend who decided you can't be in the
picture, because she wants to be numero uno.
And is the better alternative to wait for that magic wand to be waved
over your head to fix your unrequited love for him? I think not. You could
approach it this way with him: "I need to be completely honest with you. I have
had these feelings for you that are stronger than the friendship we
have. All I need is for you to tell me you don't
feel the same way, and I'll move on with the mindset that it's not to
be; OR you do feel the same about me and we can go from there." And you know, that may be all
it takes. You're a smart woman. You can handle it. And you also know you
can , and will go on with your life if he were not on the same page.
