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Marriage Not So Rosy
- By Miss Emily
- Published 08/15/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I'm 26 years old, i'm living in Philippines, and i get married when i'm 21. My husband is 40 and we have different nationality. He is from India i met him in Dubai when i was working in the same company where he was working too. I had my first boyfriend when i was at 3rd year high school but it didn't last because my parents didn't allowed me to get into warong relationship. When i finished college, i decided to go Dubai to search a job there because of financial problem. Me and my husband are living now for 6years, no child. i got pregnant last August 2008, but i miscarried. We always fight, and I go to my friend's house when we are fighting -- then after 3days, i will come back into our home. Now i'm confused. I don't know if I'm still in love with him. i'm always remembering our fights and, when i'm alone, I'm thinking why i get married at early age? If i can pull the past, i would, but I can't! There are some questions coming in my mind. Do i still love him? Do i feel happy when we are together? I think i lost my love for him. I didn't reach my goal in life, and it looks like i'm stuck here. Nothing happens in my life. Please help me Miss Emily. Thanks!
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
I do understand your dilemma. I agree, you feel stuck because you married at such a young age, a nd to a man who was more entrenched in his life, his career, and his way of doing things. I think you are right to reassess your position. In the U. S, for example, 50% of marriages end in divorce, and it's because many couples move too quickly into marriage without having these ducks in a row: trust, respect, common interests and values, open communication, and a strong desire to work together to form a lasting partnership. When any one of these elements is missing, trouble can rear its ugly head. And when many are missing, it's doubtful the marriage can last. It's not his fault you had a miscarriage, and that's one issue I think should be off the table in terms of your dismay with him. That said, if you want to further your career, and you think you are spinning your wheels in a marriage with a man you do not love, you might as well end it rather than suffer any more than you already have. Do this before you have children, or you will find it even harder to do after the fact.
I'm 26 years old, i'm living in Philippines, and i get married when i'm 21. My husband is 40 and we have different nationality. He is from India i met him in Dubai when i was working in the same company where he was working too. I had my first boyfriend when i was at 3rd year high school but it didn't last because my parents didn't allowed me to get into warong relationship. When i finished college, i decided to go Dubai to search a job there because of financial problem. Me and my husband are living now for 6years, no child. i got pregnant last August 2008, but i miscarried. We always fight, and I go to my friend's house when we are fighting -- then after 3days, i will come back into our home. Now i'm confused. I don't know if I'm still in love with him. i'm always remembering our fights and, when i'm alone, I'm thinking why i get married at early age? If i can pull the past, i would, but I can't! There are some questions coming in my mind. Do i still love him? Do i feel happy when we are together? I think i lost my love for him. I didn't reach my goal in life, and it looks like i'm stuck here. Nothing happens in my life. Please help me Miss Emily. Thanks!
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
I do understand your dilemma. I agree, you feel stuck because you married at such a young age, a nd to a man who was more entrenched in his life, his career, and his way of doing things. I think you are right to reassess your position. In the U. S, for example, 50% of marriages end in divorce, and it's because many couples move too quickly into marriage without having these ducks in a row: trust, respect, common interests and values, open communication, and a strong desire to work together to form a lasting partnership. When any one of these elements is missing, trouble can rear its ugly head. And when many are missing, it's doubtful the marriage can last. It's not his fault you had a miscarriage, and that's one issue I think should be off the table in terms of your dismay with him. That said, if you want to further your career, and you think you are spinning your wheels in a marriage with a man you do not love, you might as well end it rather than suffer any more than you already have. Do this before you have children, or you will find it even harder to do after the fact.
