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Partner Has Extensive Sexual Past
- By Miss Emily
- Published 08/15/2011
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily:
I am a divoice man of three years with 3 teenage children (50/50). I started dating and now have move in with a lady I have known for 20 year. We are really in love, or it seems so. Anyway, we started talking marriage. She wanted to share her past with me. I said it did not matter, but she felt it would be best. I am a respectable business man and have a great reputation in the area .Well, what she told me did shock me a little (a lot). I'm no saint but she has me beat. To just give you the short version, she told me she has slept with over 80 men and had oral with even more. She had a open lesbain relationship of three years. Just when I thought she was done, she ended with telling me that 21 of the over 80 men she had sex with were black men and that, the three years before we hooked up, she had dated or just had sex with 5 black men and broke up with the last one because we got together. When I first met her she was married and we had an affair 20 years ago.So what should I do? I love her but WOW! I am worried about my family (kids). She told me I was the only man she had ever been faithful to, but the details were explicit on the sex she has had and what she did with them. I must admit I knew she was a little wild in her past, but this blew my mind and to be honest, a turn me on. The reason she felt compelled to tell me was that sooner, or later someone would because a lot of this is common knowledge.
-------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------
That's a lot of experience, I grant you that. I would have stopped counting after 30! I think, in order to marry a woman with a past like this, you'd have to be pretty sure she won't hunger for another man (or woman) somewhere down the line, and you'll be number 81! This may be a turn-on to you, of sorts, but she has a reputation, and you have one, as well. Yours, however, is stellar, and hers (fair, or not) is tainted. I assume people know you are dating her, but marriage is another whole kettle of fish. I appreciate her honesty, but that's really not the issue. You'd have to be absolutely fine with her past, and you'd need some reassurance that it is her past, and she won't revisit other relationships in her future. Trust and respect are vitally important in a successful marriage. If you don't have that, you don't have anything. "Act in haste, repent in leisure." I would think marriage should be off the table until you know for sure her past is not really an issue with you, and you won't be checking her e-mails, and search her purse and cell for incriminating evidence.
-------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------
That's a lot of experience, I grant you that. I would have stopped counting after 30! I think, in order to marry a woman with a past like this, you'd have to be pretty sure she won't hunger for another man (or woman) somewhere down the line, and you'll be number 81! This may be a turn-on to you, of sorts, but she has a reputation, and you have one, as well. Yours, however, is stellar, and hers (fair, or not) is tainted. I assume people know you are dating her, but marriage is another whole kettle of fish. I appreciate her honesty, but that's really not the issue. You'd have to be absolutely fine with her past, and you'd need some reassurance that it is her past, and she won't revisit other relationships in her future. Trust and respect are vitally important in a successful marriage. If you don't have that, you don't have anything. "Act in haste, repent in leisure." I would think marriage should be off the table until you know for sure her past is not really an issue with you, and you won't be checking her e-mails, and search her purse and cell for incriminating evidence.
