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- He Doesn't Want More Children
He Doesn't Want More Children
- By Miss Emily
- Published 08/12/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear miss emily:
My boyfriend and i have been together for over 5 years now. He has a son from a previous relationship and we have a son together. His son just turned 7, and our son will be turning 4 next month. Now that my son is getting older, i have brought up about us having another child which he has always seemed to want. The last few months he has been pushing me aside anytime i ask, and i finally got him to talk to me and he now, after all this time, is deciding it's pretty much out of the picture and not going to happen. I love him very much and want to have a future together, but i don't know if i can be happy knowing that i will never have another kid. He doesnt want to end the relationship over it and thinks its crazy, but he doesnt see how much this means to me. I don't want to end it either, but i have always had an idea of more. I don't think we are going to ever agree on it. Please help.
--------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
I think he does understand how much it means to you, and he has made it clear, or so it seems, that he doesn't want more children. He has two and, although that appears selfish in some respects, he's content with that, and you need to accept it. This is a horrible position for you to be in. He led you to believe (and I hope it was in verbal form, and not you assuming), that you would have another child together. This kind of dilemma is not uncommon in relationships. Time changes people, and what we once thought we could do, we decide we cannot. If this man is a good partner, and a good father to your child, those are things to consider in whether you stay in this relationship. You could leave, but whether you could find a good man with good qualities -- who would be happy to be a step-parent to your child, and give you another child, is an unknown. That is the risk you take. Another option, of course, is to leave him and use a sperm donor were your biological clock ticking. Counseling would seem of little help if he's wedded to this plan to have no more children. Be sure that's the case and, then, make the decision to stay, or go. And, also, make sure you can live with that decision. Life is about choices, and accepting the consequences.
My boyfriend and i have been together for over 5 years now. He has a son from a previous relationship and we have a son together. His son just turned 7, and our son will be turning 4 next month. Now that my son is getting older, i have brought up about us having another child which he has always seemed to want. The last few months he has been pushing me aside anytime i ask, and i finally got him to talk to me and he now, after all this time, is deciding it's pretty much out of the picture and not going to happen. I love him very much and want to have a future together, but i don't know if i can be happy knowing that i will never have another kid. He doesnt want to end the relationship over it and thinks its crazy, but he doesnt see how much this means to me. I don't want to end it either, but i have always had an idea of more. I don't think we are going to ever agree on it. Please help.
--------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------
I think he does understand how much it means to you, and he has made it clear, or so it seems, that he doesn't want more children. He has two and, although that appears selfish in some respects, he's content with that, and you need to accept it. This is a horrible position for you to be in. He led you to believe (and I hope it was in verbal form, and not you assuming), that you would have another child together. This kind of dilemma is not uncommon in relationships. Time changes people, and what we once thought we could do, we decide we cannot. If this man is a good partner, and a good father to your child, those are things to consider in whether you stay in this relationship. You could leave, but whether you could find a good man with good qualities -- who would be happy to be a step-parent to your child, and give you another child, is an unknown. That is the risk you take. Another option, of course, is to leave him and use a sperm donor were your biological clock ticking. Counseling would seem of little help if he's wedded to this plan to have no more children. Be sure that's the case and, then, make the decision to stay, or go. And, also, make sure you can live with that decision. Life is about choices, and accepting the consequences.
