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Too Soon For Marriage
- By Miss Emily
- Published 08/10/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily:
I am 21 years old and 5 months ago my boyfriend and I got engaged. We will have been dating for just 2 years this coming December. He joined the Army while we were dating and I believe this had a lot to do with the early proposal. We had both talked a little about engagement, but he defiantly ended up pushing the subject. I expressed my concerns from the beginning, but he played them off as me just being worried about other peoples reactions and insisted that he knew we were both ready. I finally gave in but, then, just after our engagement, he started in about secretly getting legally married! I finally put my foot down saying I wasn't ready for marriage. The truth is, recently, I don't know if I was even ready for the proposal. He is leaving the country soon and I know that worries him. He doesn't want to end up alone and he joined the Army for us and our future. I feel as if I have no one to go to for advice. My family already has questions and me bringing this up would only make it worse. I can't talk to him because it would totally break him. And I don't know how my friends would react. I'm not sure if I don't feel the same for him anymore, or if our long distance is making me not remember how I do feel when he is around. I don't know if I can promise him my hand in marriage, and I have been losing way too much sleep.
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------------
One reason (and there are many) you aren't ready for marriage is that you're letting someone else pull your life's strings -- and that would be him, as well as how you think "others" will feel about this. RED ALERT! It matters how you feel! You're not some second party in all of this, you're supposed to be an active participant. It's time, and I really mean this, to say something to him. Tell him that you felt you've been pushed into the engagement, and you're not ready for it PERIOD, END OF DISCUSSION. He may be angry, but if you can't stand up for what you want, who do you think will? And if you aren't willing to lead you life, you'll let others lead it for you -- all the while resenting them, but you allowed it to happen because you didn't have the courage to speak up. You are losing sleep because you have problems, and you are not solving them. It really is easier than you think, and it's liberating to be honest about your life. You owe it to yourself, and to him to be truthful. He joined the Army prior to your engagement. He cannot hold you hostage to the idea that he did it for you and your future with him. He will have a future with, or without you. Believe me, as wonderful as I am sure you are, he'll be able to move on with his life. You and he are too young to make this decision, obviously, and this is all too "iffy" in your mind to follow through. Tell him, and end this nightmare you have created for yourself.
I am 21 years old and 5 months ago my boyfriend and I got engaged. We will have been dating for just 2 years this coming December. He joined the Army while we were dating and I believe this had a lot to do with the early proposal. We had both talked a little about engagement, but he defiantly ended up pushing the subject. I expressed my concerns from the beginning, but he played them off as me just being worried about other peoples reactions and insisted that he knew we were both ready. I finally gave in but, then, just after our engagement, he started in about secretly getting legally married! I finally put my foot down saying I wasn't ready for marriage. The truth is, recently, I don't know if I was even ready for the proposal. He is leaving the country soon and I know that worries him. He doesn't want to end up alone and he joined the Army for us and our future. I feel as if I have no one to go to for advice. My family already has questions and me bringing this up would only make it worse. I can't talk to him because it would totally break him. And I don't know how my friends would react. I'm not sure if I don't feel the same for him anymore, or if our long distance is making me not remember how I do feel when he is around. I don't know if I can promise him my hand in marriage, and I have been losing way too much sleep.
----------------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------------
One reason (and there are many) you aren't ready for marriage is that you're letting someone else pull your life's strings -- and that would be him, as well as how you think "others" will feel about this. RED ALERT! It matters how you feel! You're not some second party in all of this, you're supposed to be an active participant. It's time, and I really mean this, to say something to him. Tell him that you felt you've been pushed into the engagement, and you're not ready for it PERIOD, END OF DISCUSSION. He may be angry, but if you can't stand up for what you want, who do you think will? And if you aren't willing to lead you life, you'll let others lead it for you -- all the while resenting them, but you allowed it to happen because you didn't have the courage to speak up. You are losing sleep because you have problems, and you are not solving them. It really is easier than you think, and it's liberating to be honest about your life. You owe it to yourself, and to him to be truthful. He joined the Army prior to your engagement. He cannot hold you hostage to the idea that he did it for you and your future with him. He will have a future with, or without you. Believe me, as wonderful as I am sure you are, he'll be able to move on with his life. You and he are too young to make this decision, obviously, and this is all too "iffy" in your mind to follow through. Tell him, and end this nightmare you have created for yourself.
