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Parents Put Stop To Daughter Dating Older Guy
- By Miss Emily
- Published 08/9/2011
- Relationships - Teens
Dear Miss Emily,
I am a 16 yr old girl and my boyfriend is 22. A lot of people may look at our relationship and say that it isn't right and that he is using me, but those people would be wrong. My boyfriend loves me very much! About 2 years ago, he and I had an incident which, let's say was a bad way for my parents to meet him. When they asked me how old he was, I told them 19. They didnt mind too much, but I could tell they wished he were younger. Then, a few months ago, he was arrested and put in jail over something small and was out a month later. However, while he was there my parents searched his record and found out he was 22. They obviously didnt like the idea but, suprisingly, didnt try and stop it right away. In fact, even after they found out my mom would still take us places, let us hang out, and talk to him. Therefore, i thought everything was fine. However, about a month ago my parents took away my phone and computer for a week and told me that i needed to stop talking to my boyfriend, or they would get a restraining order! I didnt understand , everything was fine, then alll of a sudden this ?? When i finally got my stuff back, they wrote a contract that said i am not allowed to talk to my boyfriend, and I was forced to sign it. Now I am really not allowed to talk to him because they are threatening to press charges against him. This is so much to deal with because I love him so much, but I love my parents also. But why can't they see that I am extremely upset? :(
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
I think they do see that you're extremely upset, but they also see the fact that he has a jail record, and his age is a recipe for future trouble. You know, like you getting pregnant, or making a decision to forgo college and sell your future down the river to a guy who seems to have some big problems getting his life in order. Their mistake was allowing this relationship to happen in the first place. You were 14 when you started seeing him and, although they were led to believe he was 19, that's when they should have put the brakes on this relationship to spare everyone the pain that lay ahead. I don't discount that you two love each other, but your parents finally woke up to the potential of real trouble ahead -- and I see some, as well. Understand that, sometimes, love simply isn't enough to make it work. We can be in love with many people, but it's when love strikes us at the right time in our lives, and with all the right elements that make a relationship work for the long-term. Honor the contract, and lick your wounds. When you're 18, if he's still waiting in the wings, then you can decide what to do. But I think it's a good idea to have a plan for a future that includes college/ and or a career, and some financial stability. So far, this guy, at 22, doesn't appear to have a real work ethic, and no concrete means of support. That may be fine for you at 16, but obnoxious, and off-putting were you to be paying the bills -- while he skirts his adult responsibilities and, possibly, ends up back in the slammer because he still doesn't have his act together.
I am a 16 yr old girl and my boyfriend is 22. A lot of people may look at our relationship and say that it isn't right and that he is using me, but those people would be wrong. My boyfriend loves me very much! About 2 years ago, he and I had an incident which, let's say was a bad way for my parents to meet him. When they asked me how old he was, I told them 19. They didnt mind too much, but I could tell they wished he were younger. Then, a few months ago, he was arrested and put in jail over something small and was out a month later. However, while he was there my parents searched his record and found out he was 22. They obviously didnt like the idea but, suprisingly, didnt try and stop it right away. In fact, even after they found out my mom would still take us places, let us hang out, and talk to him. Therefore, i thought everything was fine. However, about a month ago my parents took away my phone and computer for a week and told me that i needed to stop talking to my boyfriend, or they would get a restraining order! I didnt understand , everything was fine, then alll of a sudden this ?? When i finally got my stuff back, they wrote a contract that said i am not allowed to talk to my boyfriend, and I was forced to sign it. Now I am really not allowed to talk to him because they are threatening to press charges against him. This is so much to deal with because I love him so much, but I love my parents also. But why can't they see that I am extremely upset? :(
-----------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
I think they do see that you're extremely upset, but they also see the fact that he has a jail record, and his age is a recipe for future trouble. You know, like you getting pregnant, or making a decision to forgo college and sell your future down the river to a guy who seems to have some big problems getting his life in order. Their mistake was allowing this relationship to happen in the first place. You were 14 when you started seeing him and, although they were led to believe he was 19, that's when they should have put the brakes on this relationship to spare everyone the pain that lay ahead. I don't discount that you two love each other, but your parents finally woke up to the potential of real trouble ahead -- and I see some, as well. Understand that, sometimes, love simply isn't enough to make it work. We can be in love with many people, but it's when love strikes us at the right time in our lives, and with all the right elements that make a relationship work for the long-term. Honor the contract, and lick your wounds. When you're 18, if he's still waiting in the wings, then you can decide what to do. But I think it's a good idea to have a plan for a future that includes college/ and or a career, and some financial stability. So far, this guy, at 22, doesn't appear to have a real work ethic, and no concrete means of support. That may be fine for you at 16, but obnoxious, and off-putting were you to be paying the bills -- while he skirts his adult responsibilities and, possibly, ends up back in the slammer because he still doesn't have his act together.
