Dear Miss Emily:

ive been best friends with this guy for almost 4 years now. I love him, and i know he loves me -- like brother and sister. Or at least that's what i thought it was like. Recently, we both found out that we might actually be in love. There are a few problems i have to deal with. First, before i discovered that i liked him -- liked him, i was actually considering ending our friendship. It was causing me too much pain because, to put it simply, he's an anger freak. He can also be quite possessive and overly protective of me. Second, and most importantly, my mom is absolutely against the idea. She doesn't like him at all because she's seen how much pain he's caused me, and she'll never be ok with it. And i just adore my mother and am very influenced by her -- which makes me afraid that if i date him, I'll ruin my relationship with my mom. I've explained all this to him, again and again, but he insists on dating behind my mom's back even though he knows how guilty i'll feel (I won't be able to sleep at night) claiming that she might get used to the idea with time. And just today, he told me that I had to make a choice. I can either date him, or i have to leave him alone.. What should i do?? I need him too much. Sometimes i feel like I'm addicted to him, and it's unhealthy for me..  I don't know how i can go on without him. Should I forget about him, and pray that when i go to college in a couple of months i can build a new life and meet new guys? Please help me!

--------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------


You've made a tremendous case in your e-mail for letting this relationship go. He is possessive, has anger issues, and your mother knows that he is not good for you. Of course, she wants her daughter to be happy and not in a relationship that she knows is fraught with pain. You hit the nail on the head when you said he's like an addiction. But like any addiction, the pain and loss from one far exceeds the pleasure from the high. I do believe that college will offer a whole new world to you, and you should look at that as a new beginning. I'm afraid if you do get involved with him, it could damage your life in ways you can't even imagine now. Is this a tough choice? Absolutely! Is it the right one to let him go? I think, yes. He's clinging, now, and making demands because you're moving on in life with college. Be mindful of that, please.