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Lost Interest, Or Problems Getting In The Way?
- By Miss Emily
- Published 08/8/2011
- Relationships - Women
Dear Miss Emily
I need some advice on my boyfriend. He is just so distant recently, and I don't know what to do. He recently found out his mum is seriously ill and, then, he got into an argument with one of his best friends -- which he feels guilty about and, since this, he's been very distant with me. I haven't been with my boyfriend long -- just over a month, but we have known each other for over a year before we started dating. He pursued me and things got serious very fast with him telling me that he was crazy about me and that he saw a future with me and things were going really well. He was always texting me multiple times a day, and spending time with me but, recently, he has become distant and he doesn't text me first anymore. If I text him he'll text back but won't initiate. I know he has a lot on his mind so I don't want to annoy him. I have told him that whatever he needs I'm here for him. He has told me that his head is all over the place and he doesn't know whether he coming or going with all that going on with his mum. But I don't know if it's just this that's making him distant with me or if he's having second thoughts about our relationship. I don't want to break up with him, but I don't know if it just the stress that making him distant with me, or he's lost interest. What should I do in this situation?
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------
I need some advice on my boyfriend. He is just so distant recently, and I don't know what to do. He recently found out his mum is seriously ill and, then, he got into an argument with one of his best friends -- which he feels guilty about and, since this, he's been very distant with me. I haven't been with my boyfriend long -- just over a month, but we have known each other for over a year before we started dating. He pursued me and things got serious very fast with him telling me that he was crazy about me and that he saw a future with me and things were going really well. He was always texting me multiple times a day, and spending time with me but, recently, he has become distant and he doesn't text me first anymore. If I text him he'll text back but won't initiate. I know he has a lot on his mind so I don't want to annoy him. I have told him that whatever he needs I'm here for him. He has told me that his head is all over the place and he doesn't know whether he coming or going with all that going on with his mum. But I don't know if it's just this that's making him distant with me or if he's having second thoughts about our relationship. I don't want to break up with him, but I don't know if it just the stress that making him distant with me, or he's lost interest. What should I do in this situation?
------------------------------Miss Emily's advice----------------------
Some people aren't able to compartmentalize their problems. In other words, a person can have a sick mother, worry and, yet, still find it possible to give in a relationship rather than shut off; but others cannot. The state of his mother's health, and the fight with his friend could be making him feel that he simply cannot give to a relationship. This, I think, could be a strong possibility. You've done all the right things. You told him you're there for him, and he said he doesn't know if he's coming or going. You and he haven't been together long enough to be his confidante -- where he can let his true feelings known -- and that leaves you twisting in the wind on this very important matter. Ask him if he'd like some space to figure things out. Tell him you aren't suggesting it because you've lost interest, but you see that it's a hard time for him and trying to keep a relationship together may be too much at this time. See what he says, and get back to me.
