Dear Miss Emily:

I'm a 26-year-old in the process of deciding whether to stay with or leave my 31-year-old boyfriend of 1 year and 2 months. I've chalked up my uncertainty to the fact that he's my first relationship. From the beginning, I have been wined and dined by him. I've stayed with him because it just works so well; a year later, our conversations are still great and the sex is fine. I respect him for his morality, responsibility, and his love and openness with me. He has a good job, a house, a car, and no debt. Problem: Suspecting that I love him, but that I'm not in love with him. This is tough because things feel good enough. I don't want to waste any of his time if our relationship doesn't work out a year from now. I feel like if I were passionately in love, then I'd want to get married after 2 years of dating. In your experience, is passionate, all-consuming love necessary for a long-term, committed relationship? I believe in passion, but I also know that it's possible for relationships to function without it. I doubt that there's another man with whom I could have a relationship just like this one, but with more passion. In your experience, what usually leads to the most long-term happiness- passionate love/infatuation, or companionship/commitment? This could be the last man I date. I want to be happily married in a few years, but not look back and regret foregoing passion someday.

---------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------

One of the hardest things in life is to look back with regret. And you are wise to think about this now. That said, no one goes into a relationship (marriage) for the same reasons. But in the United States, 50% of marriages end in divorce, and it's safe to assume that too many people go into a relationship for the wrong reasons -- and most aren't even aware of it. Passion can, and often does wax and wane in a relationship, but when it's on the downside, it takes two to bring it back to a satisfactory level. Passion alone, obviously, is not the prescription to sustain a good marriage unless you have the other core elements that make a quality relationship work: trust, respect, common interests and values, and open communication. Much of these elements, it would seem, you have in this relationship. But those elements can also be found with a family member, or friend. You don't want to walk down the isle with a man that fits the bill as the perfect brother, or trusted buddy. A marriage is a partnership, as well. You must make your partner a priority and let no one interfere with that bond. Children are an extension of that bond, and serves to strengthen the love you have for each other. If there was passion from the onset, it can be revitalized by a concerted effort to do so. However, you cannot fake it. You should want to be intimate with this man, respond to his touch, and wake up in the morning being glad that he is your husband, and you are one lucky woman.