Dear Miss Emily:

I love my best friend. She's caring, thoughtful, and I know she'd do anything for me. But, sometimes, she can be really mean and hurtful. If I ask something kind of obvious, she'll make fun of me. And if I can't hang out with her, then she'll get mad and tell me that it's my fault and that she can't depend on me. Sometimes she can really bring me down, and sometimes she's a great best friend. I don't know how to get through this with her.

---------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------------

Friendships are like plants. They need to be nurtured. If they are not, they wither and die. Now, I know you have a great friendship with this girl, and you and she are not always going to get along, but if the balance of the relationship shifts too far to the negative, that is when it will begin to fall apart. Listen, people can get away with almost anything, unless someone has the courage to say "No" or "This isn't acceptable."  When this friend makes fun of you, you simply say, "That's unfair, and please stop treating me that way." When she tells you she can't depend on you when you can't hang out, you say, "I am sorry you feel that way, but it isn't true." And do not back down! If you don't stick up for yourself, who will? If she's as good a friend as you say she is, she won't implode if you defend yourself. People admire those with courage. And if she does object -- is vicious to you, and defensive, she isn't the friend you think she is. You have the power to get what you want from a friendship, as long as you have the courage to demand it.