Dear Miss Emily:

I have been seeing a guy at work with for 4 months. I broke up with my boyfriend because we fell in love with each other. When we began seeing each other, he told me he had a pregnant girlfriend. Upon the news, I knew I had to stay away, but we ended up sleeping together and hanging out more and more and we've been inseparable since. His girlfriend, recently, had their baby and now I am questioning walking away. He says he loves me and that he has no intention on marrying the mother of his son, but he wants to wait a few years to leave her. He even told me he wants to marry me one day and have a family with me! I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so confused, because I don't know if I can believe him and I feel awful and selfish for making him have to choose.

------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------

But I think he's already chosen what he's going to do. He's staying with her, out of obligation, guilt and, perhaps, real feelings for her. And he's talking years down the line to be with you. Ooh, that hurts! I think it's you who has to choose. And that would be stay with him hoping he will  come through for you (and that's always doubtful), or set him free to do what he has to do. If he wants to be with you, and only you, he'll come back having made the decision on his own. That's what you should want. But I don't believe an ultimatum would do any good if you were to give him one. He just had a baby with this woman. They have a family that he's not prepared to let it go. If you choose to stay in this relationship, I see an incredible amount of frustration down the line and that will degrade the relationship you think is pretty sunny, now -- aside from this fix he's in. No matter if he leaves her, or not, he's a father and has obligations to his child. If he's a decent guy, in any sense of the word, he'll be a good father. With that comes obligation, and many women are threatened by the relationship a boyfriend (spouse) has with his child from another woman (not to mention any wringer she would put him through). Maybe you can rise about that, but it's not as easy as you may think.