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He Hates Grifriend's Need To Party
- By Miss Emily
- Published 07/22/2011
- Relationships - Men
Dear Miss Emily,
My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year now and everything for the most part is absolutely amazing. However, I made a huge tactical error in not considering who my girlfriend is friends with (mostly her guy friends). They would party and hook up frequently and get extremely drunk. I, on the other-hand, am not a drinker. I used to be but kind of grew out of the whole party scene at the end of high school. The guys she used to hang out with are your stereotypical "90s teen movie popular kids" meaning big jerks. She has no problem partying with them and inviting them over to drink. Of course she includes me and wants me to have fun, but I simply cannot be around those people. They anger me and have no respect for women or themselves, for that matter. My girl gets so upset and thinks "I don't understand" but I don't think she understands how depressed it makes me that she actually likes these people, I love her to death and can proudly say we truly are in love, but her standards of whom she associates with scare me. WHAT DO I DO?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------
Well, I hate to be the messenger of bad news, but your girlfriend is happy with the life she leads, but it simply does not suit you. You don't ever want to go into a relationship thinking you can change a person. She will change only when it benefits her. It's not as if she's doing anything wrong, it's only an expression of who she is! You may love her to death, but this is weighing on you, and she only sees it as you being a wet blanket. What you want is a quick fix, but what you need to understand is that you and she disagree on an issue that is going to spell the demise of your relationship unless you suddenly decide her partying ways are all right with you, or she decides she wants to ditch her friends to make you the number one focus of her life. That doesn't seem forthcoming. One of the elements of a successful, long-term relationship is common values and interests -- beside trust, open communication, and respect. Bottom line: Accept her for who she is, or move on.
My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year now and everything for the most part is absolutely amazing. However, I made a huge tactical error in not considering who my girlfriend is friends with (mostly her guy friends). They would party and hook up frequently and get extremely drunk. I, on the other-hand, am not a drinker. I used to be but kind of grew out of the whole party scene at the end of high school. The guys she used to hang out with are your stereotypical "90s teen movie popular kids" meaning big jerks. She has no problem partying with them and inviting them over to drink. Of course she includes me and wants me to have fun, but I simply cannot be around those people. They anger me and have no respect for women or themselves, for that matter. My girl gets so upset and thinks "I don't understand" but I don't think she understands how depressed it makes me that she actually likes these people, I love her to death and can proudly say we truly are in love, but her standards of whom she associates with scare me. WHAT DO I DO?
-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice--------------------
Well, I hate to be the messenger of bad news, but your girlfriend is happy with the life she leads, but it simply does not suit you. You don't ever want to go into a relationship thinking you can change a person. She will change only when it benefits her. It's not as if she's doing anything wrong, it's only an expression of who she is! You may love her to death, but this is weighing on you, and she only sees it as you being a wet blanket. What you want is a quick fix, but what you need to understand is that you and she disagree on an issue that is going to spell the demise of your relationship unless you suddenly decide her partying ways are all right with you, or she decides she wants to ditch her friends to make you the number one focus of her life. That doesn't seem forthcoming. One of the elements of a successful, long-term relationship is common values and interests -- beside trust, open communication, and respect. Bottom line: Accept her for who she is, or move on.
