Dear Miss Emily:

I have this friend, and I've been sleeping with him for almost a year now. We're not monogamous, and I've always been okay with that because I really wasn't looking for a relationship as all.. But as time has passed I've become more and more fond of him. ( oh I guess i should mention that we almost dated 2 years ago when I was 16 and he was 20) but i find the age difference too be much smaller between 18 and 22. Anyway, he is probably my best male friend, as well, and I am terrified that if I tell him about my feelings he'll run scared and it will ruin our friendship. What made me realize my feelings for him was his newly made decision to join the army. I'm excited that he has chosen a career path. I think it is an amazing job, and I'm soo happy that he is happy, however, I've been so upset that I've been physically nauseous for the past 3 days since he told me. I've thought a lot about it, and I would really like to be in a relationship with him. I'm just not sure it's worth risking our friendship over. I could see myself with him long term though. My friends are split pretty much 50/50 on whether I should date him or not, though because some of them think he's just not doing enough with his life, or is mature enough for me. I have no idea what to do. Please give me an objective opinion.

-------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------

If you were to not tell him about these feelings, you leave it all up to him -- hoping he will come around and feel the same as you. The fact that he's going into the Army means that he will have a great deal of work ahead of him, and his time will be very limited in how much he could give to a relationship -- any relationship!
I tend to think you should wait to say something about your feelings for him until after he's in the Army, and after you see what he says in his letters to you. His absence will allow you to get in touch with your true feelings, and if they remain the same, I think it would be more than reasonable to tell him how much you miss him, and that your feelings for him were stronger than you realized. FWB relationships often go awry. It really is all about the sex, or a strong emotional attachment would have developed prior to the arrangement. However, it often happens (and with females largely being the case) that an attachment does develop, thus negating the FWB narrative. There are no guarantees in any relationship, but risking the friendship is reasonable when the feelings have become so strong that carrying on with the friendship is painful.