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Group Friendship Excludes One
- By Miss Emily
- Published 07/9/2011
- Relationships - Women
Emily:
I need some advice! I'm not really sure how to start this, but here it is: My friends and I are very close. Or at least we were. But now I seem to be left out of plans and ignored. I have to be the one to initiate chat on Facebook, and the one to make plans. I'm confused and a little hurt. These are my three very close friends, but it appears they couldn't care less about me.
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
If they are close friends, I think you need to have a talk with them. I'd start out by saying, "Maybe it's my insecurity, but I'm feeling left out, lately, and I'm open to finding out if there's any way you think I can improve my relationship with all of you." If they are not forthcoming, and things do not change, don't push it. This sort of situation happens in group friendships. The dynamic changes, and someone gets left out. It's demeaning, and appears needy if you are the one who makes plans in order to be included. As hurtful as this is to you, you need to branch out and let others into your life. And remember the elements of a good friendship. A friend is a good listener, avoids gossiping about other friends, is helpful -- but non-judgmental, and is careful not to bring too much drama into the mix. Never allow yourself to be used, or be expected to give more than you receive in a relationship. Hopefully, this will turn around in your favor but, if not, it's best to understand human behavior, and what motivates people to do the things they do. Loyalty is often hard to find in friendships. Throughout your life, you'll make many friends, and you'll narrow the field to only a handful you can truly trust to have your best interests at heart, and vice versa.
I need some advice! I'm not really sure how to start this, but here it is: My friends and I are very close. Or at least we were. But now I seem to be left out of plans and ignored. I have to be the one to initiate chat on Facebook, and the one to make plans. I'm confused and a little hurt. These are my three very close friends, but it appears they couldn't care less about me.
---------------------------Miss Emily's advice------------------------
If they are close friends, I think you need to have a talk with them. I'd start out by saying, "Maybe it's my insecurity, but I'm feeling left out, lately, and I'm open to finding out if there's any way you think I can improve my relationship with all of you." If they are not forthcoming, and things do not change, don't push it. This sort of situation happens in group friendships. The dynamic changes, and someone gets left out. It's demeaning, and appears needy if you are the one who makes plans in order to be included. As hurtful as this is to you, you need to branch out and let others into your life. And remember the elements of a good friendship. A friend is a good listener, avoids gossiping about other friends, is helpful -- but non-judgmental, and is careful not to bring too much drama into the mix. Never allow yourself to be used, or be expected to give more than you receive in a relationship. Hopefully, this will turn around in your favor but, if not, it's best to understand human behavior, and what motivates people to do the things they do. Loyalty is often hard to find in friendships. Throughout your life, you'll make many friends, and you'll narrow the field to only a handful you can truly trust to have your best interests at heart, and vice versa.
