Dear Miss Emily:

I started a friendship with a guy that I am now in love with. On our first date, he told me that he had a messed up life. I told him that I wasn't looking for a boyfriend and we agreed to be friends, hanging out once a month or so. After a month from our date, we were seeing each other every day. We have been dating for almost 2 years and he spends all of his time with me. The problem is about 4 weeks, total, out of every year, he goes to New Jersey (his hometown) and spends a week each with his daughter. He loves his daughter, and he wants to be with her but he says he doesn't want to be with his baby's mother. His baby's mother still loves him(even though she only sees him 4 weeks out of the year), and we have talked, and he still has sex with her sometimes when he is there. I am not his girlfriend, but it has been almost 2 years and it hurts me to know that. I have never caught him lying to me and even when it is going to hurt me he answers all my questions. I really like him and he spends every second that he is not at work with me. He cooks, takes me out to dinner, parks, and on vacations. I am happy with him except for the fact that he may sleep with her when he is in New Jersey. He says that he wants to settle down but I dont understand. It really aggravates me when he goes to New Jersey because I will never know whats going on when he is there. I constantly think about letting him go, but I  love him at the same time. What should I do? Should I love, and let go of him?

--------------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------

You know what the facts are. His honesty is nice, but the truth is this: He's sleeping with his ex. There's no reason for that unless he's still attached to her, or he's a horny guy who has no scruples. In order to settle down with him, and this is a hard one knowing who he is, you'd have to go on these trips to New Jersey with him, be integrated into his daughter's life, and to let his ex know you are in the picture full time -- no excuses, no keeping you separate from her and his daughter, and no relationship with her other than they share a child together. Unless he's willing to do that, I think your choice has been made for you unless, of course, you want to continue a relationship that leaves you feeling like an outsider, looking in at one of the most important areas of his life.