Dear Miss Emily:

I'm 19, and Ive been dating this guy who's about 18 years older than me for a little over a year. I was keeping this relationship a secret from my mother.  She found out a few months into the relationship, and she doesn't agree with it.  We broke up for a few days and got back together without her knowing. She found out, again, and she said she's going to let me do what I want but still doesn't approve. I can tell she doesn't like it, and she keeps telling me I have to make my own mistakes.  I really like this guy.  I just don't know if I should stay in the relationship, or not.  He means so much to me, but if we break up it would be like he never existed in my life. I really want to stay with him, but I go to college and for now live with my mom.  I do not know what I should do.

---------------------------Miss Emily's advice-----------------------

If you have feelings for him, and your mother is willing to let you make your own mistakes, I see no problem with pursuing this relationship until any doubts you have surface -- if they do.  Some women gravitate to older men for all sorts of reasons. Some of them legitimate, and some to find a "surrogate" dad they never had. Make sure the reasons you're with him are because he sees you as an equal, he respects you, and he's not prone to having too much influence in your life in terms of control. You're in college, hopefully pursuing a career when you are done, and you want a long-term relationship based on want rather than need. Any void in your life, in terms of self-esteem, should be addressed by you, and you cannot expect someone else to fill them. Maybe that isn't the case, but I'm trying cover all bases here. Simply make sure you are in this relationship for the right reasons.