Hello, our 16 yr old daughter is dating a young man who doesn't work, have a car or is focused on the same goals as she is. Because she has a car and job, she takes care of the transportation and sometimes, pays for the date. How do we convince her to raise her standards and date a young man with the appropriate resources such as job and car?

---------------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------------

The problem, were you to complain about him, is that you'd be indirectly insulting your daughter for the choice she made, and she'd dig in her heels to prove you wrong. His family has made no demands on him in terms of job and, at sixteen, that's not uncommon. Hopefully, your daughter's work ethic, and her goal to head to college will, eventually, supersede her feelings for this boy -- or it may simply run its course. In the meantime, welcome him to your home and get to know him. If you notice his behavior to be disrespectful, you can mention that respect is key to a good relationship and she should demand it. I don't trust many sixteen year-old boys behind the wheel of a car and, perhaps it's better your daughter is doing the driving. Do, however, make it known that he is not to drive her car because of insurance risks. There are certain guidelines you can set down for her safety but, short of that, I'd monitor the relationship by maintaining an open door policy at your home. You may find this boy to be a nice kid who is only taking advantage of the things that are offered to him: a generous girlfriend who is willing to be his wheels, and pick up the tab for a movie and McDonald's. If, however, her paying for him puts a financial burden on you and your husband, tell her that she's made a choice on how to spend her money, and that's fine, but you won't subsidize her to compensate for subsidizing her boyfriend. That's only fair and, hopefully, a reality check.