Dear Miss Emily: My wife thinks she loves me, or at least convinces me she thinks it. But I do not believe she really does. She continuously cheats and for the last three years the blow to myslef esteem had me in such a funk of self loathing that I had myself convinced it was my fault. In truth she's just very unbalanced and I don't have the strength to keep trying to help some one who doesn't want it. I am seriously worried she will try to hurt herself when I leave. She believes that I am content in the relationship right now. However, after so much betrayal I've taken the low road and have been monitoring her phone use. The last person she cheated with she has remained in contact with until he went back to jail. Why she picks the repeat felon over the man who has shown her nothing but love for five years, I suppose I'll never know. Anyway, he's part of the whole insane clown posse nonsense and since he's been incarceration she's done nothing but google the culture, and "secretly" listening to their music. In case you've never been subjected to their noise, it is an obscene collection of sort-of rap that takes, with what seems to be pleasure, about killing and hurting innocent people. It makes me concerned, my natural over paranoia makes me worry that she might just be waiting till he's out of jail and then she may kill me. Please note however that I have an uncontrollable imagination, nothing but time to think, and am naturally pretty paranoid, so I'm probably not in any danger. How do I get out of this situation with as little pain to everyone as possible, especially myself (despite how selfish that may be)? ---------------------------Miss Emily's advice-------------------- How you get out of this is realizing that your whole life is a sham with this woman, and the longer you stay in this relationship, the longer you will remain miserable. Ditch the "long-suffering" complex, and get out of this marriage. If she's going to do harm to herself, it's going to happen whether you divorce her, or not. It she's this unstable, she needs help, but she seems to refuse to get it and you can't do it for her. By staying, you enable her. You have to make a choice in your life as to who is more important -- a dysfunctional woman who abuses the marriage by her infidelity, and makes a fool of you -- or you, who deserves to have a good life if you have the courage to go after it. You may offer her a comfort zone, but nothing more. Get out now, or your future is as bleak as your present. The longer you delay, the more responsible you become for this sad union.