Dear Miss Emily:
First
of all, I appreciate your time greatly in advance. I'll jump right in. My
fiancee and I get along very well...no problems whatsoever, except for one
matter that I get uncomfortable with. She has a friend of hers that she slept
with (before I knew her) out of anger at her boyfriend cheating. This guy was
the boyfriend of the girl that her guy was with (if that makes sense). Anyway,
I told her it makes me very uncomfortable that she's still friends with him,
just because of the circumstances that surround the two. She says she sees my
point, and agreed to stop talking to him, but constantly tries to
reenforce the fact
that there's nothing there and they're just friends. Plus she feels it's hard
to just "desert" him. I feel somewhat bad, but I already did the same for
her. I know she agreed, but I don't know what's going through her mind. I'm
just not sure how to proceed, because we both love each other very much and I
trust the girl as she trusts me, but am I wrong to feel uncomfortable under the
circumstances surrounding her and him?
-----------------------Miss Emily's advice---------------
No, I don't think you're wrong, but the friendship does seem somewhat
reasonable to me. Sleeping with him was a one-shot deal, and she has proved
there's no interest in him other than a friendship. If this were truly her ex, well,
that would be a different story. All this said, she should be sensitive to your
feelings, and the power of the friendship should not be as important as her
commitment to you. You and she are going to marry, and that means you have to
put each other first -- within reason. This guy may feel he's lost a good friend
if your fiancee severs ties with him but, sad as it is, it's also pretty
common.
